Sunday, 8 March 2009

Cop Comedians

The following 15 Police Comments were taken from actual police car videos around the country. Count down to #1...

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."


#14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."


#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."


#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."


#11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"


#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"


#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O. K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."


#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"


#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and corn dogs and step in monkey poo. "


#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."


#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."


#4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"


#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."


#2 "I'm glad to hear that chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."


The envelope please.....................AND THE WINNER IS ...


#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

3 comments:

Shawn said...

lmao@ the winner.

Venom said...

OMG - I love these! They must take these home and run them during parties!

nonamedufus said...

Shawn: loved the toaster oven retort.

Venom: yeah it's a spin-off of two different shows: America's Funniest Cops Videos

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