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Showing posts from July, 2009

About Face

When a picture's worth a thousand words...

How many times have I heard something similar in my house? Was a time facebook meant something else entirely...


Summer Camp Survival Guide

It's Day 4 of camp over at the interweb's comedy motherhouseHumor Bloggers Dot Com. Tuesday I participated in Campfire Sing Along Day. Today it's "Survival Day" and Head Camp Boob-Pah...er, ah...Poo-Bah Thinkinfyou has appointed Red Raider from Beyond Left Field to coordinate our survival efforts.
So, Red, here's how our little charges should handle themselves - and why - if they want to make it out alive...
1. Get your mom to sew labels with name and phone number in all clothes, particularly underwear...campers will change underwear every day - Tommy will change his with Billy, Billy with Harry, etc., and you'll want to get your own back at the end of the session before you go home. 2. Pack nutritious snack items, fruit and fruit juice boxes...because you won't find any nutritious meals at camp. We serve the blah-est and tasteless looking goopy slop you've ever seen. So if you wanna still be standing when camp's done, bring your own nutritious s…

Say What?

Over at Humor Bloggers.com where the funniest and punniest on the interwebs hang out - sort of like an AA for humour bloggers - Frank Lee Mei Dear of I Probably Don't Like You initiated one of my favourite Forum threads: The Humpty Dumpty Word Challenge. As Frank explains: "When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty told Alice, "It means just what I choose it to mean -- neither more nor less."
Frank challenged other HBDCrs to share in the forum random "Humpty Dumpty" words they've encountered on other folks' blogs when asked to enter a word verification, that jumble of letters required to be re-typed as a security measure, and to come up with our own definition for them.
Frank gave us an example or two to get us started. One was:
"tremotop"n. A hairpiece that has not been properly secured to the scalp.
Okay, you get the idea. Here's a few I've found and their Humpty Dumpty definitions...
...the practice of shampooing, to the point of near …

It's A Long Way To Tickle Larry - Humor Bloggers Summer Camp Week

The folks over at, Humor Blogger.Com, of which I'm a member, are so inventive and creative (oh, why, thank you). In the midst of the summer doldrums they've invited their members to Summer Camp. Chief Counselor thinkinfyou (and the horse you rode in on - it's an inside joke) explains it on her site and she's planned all kinds of activities for the week. The schedule goes like this:
Monday: Crafts Tuesday: Sing Along Wednesday: Campfire Stories Thursday: Survival Guide Friday: Letters Home Being a closet rock and roller I couldn't let "Sing Along" pass me by and the fact that our Music Counselor is our own zombified, rocking blogging buddy Quirkyloon ...well, that's just the icing on the cake.
So as day draws to an end and dusk falls, we gather round the roaring campfire after a dinner of franks and beans and let 'er rip...oh, and we sing too!
It's been some time since I've been to camp but when I got to thinking about it camp fire songs are kinda …

Be My, Be My Bubba

Here's a story to take our minds off the 24-7 media preoccupation with all things Michael Jackson and it has all the elements of wackiness necessary to hold our attention. No it's not the weird story of the brief thief I shared with you last week. And no, it's not about the last day in office of Sarah Palin - yes, she's wacky but I suspect her best, or worst depending on your perspective, is yet to come thus adding immeasurably to Tina Fey's popularity and income.


No, the story I'm talking about was found in the New York Post and it reports on Charles Manson's Overture to Phil Spector. Spector, the famous music producer known for his so-called "wall of sound" approach to recording was recently transferred to Corcoran State Prison in central California, where Manson -- who masterminded the savage Tate/LaBianca killings 40 years ago -- is housed in a separate wing.


Manson, who had a mad on for getting into the music business in the mid-60s before he g…

Sunday Funnies

Walter Cronkite passed away last week at the age of 92. Cronkite helmed the CBS Evening News for almost 20 years and in countless surveys throughout the years was voted "the most trusted man in America". He has been associated with two key events in particular: his coverage of the death of John F. Kennedy and of Neil Armstrong's walk on the moon.

Ironic he should pass away at about the 40th anniversary of that latter event. Ironic, too, that he should be replaced by Comedy Central's Daily Show host Jon Stewart who last week was rated America's most trusted news anchor in a Time magazine poll. These ironies didn't escape editorial cartoonists this week...






Holy Crap!

Over at Sanity On EdgeEttarose my good bloggin' buddy and fellow comedy cabal member at Humor Bloggers.Com runs a weekly caption contest where she invites her readers to "Craption This". Guess what? This week I won the highly coveted Golden Craption Award. And here's the picture I had to caption - one of the weirdest and most challenging I've ever come across...
My caption?Found under "be careful what you ask for": Sue didn't exactly have this in mind when she'd asked for a new Jersey.And here's the comment I left on Ettarose's blog...Dear Ettarose:Holy cow, I won? Manure the best Ettarose. This is udderly fantastic. I'm truly moo-ved! Thanks.I hang the Golden Craption Award with pride on my right sidebar with the rest of my hardware. If you click on the pics you'll see how I came by my other wins.

US and Them #11

What is it about strapping yourself into a metal hull, donning a fiberglass helmet and hurtling around a race track at close to 200 miles per hour? There's a group of good 'ol boys who every weekend demonstrate to the world their need for speed once the anthem is away, the fly past is flown and some clueless celebrity issues that car racing catchphrase "GENTLEMEN...START...YOUR...ENGINES!!!" Just what the hell am I referring to? Well unless you live under a rock or are a fey fashionista rather than a fast car freak you know I'm talking about the National Association for Stock Car Racing or more simply put NASCAR.
According to Wikipedia, NASCAR is one of the most viewed professional sports in terms of television ratings in the United States. In fact, professional football is the only sport in the United States to hold more viewers than NASCAR.. NASCAR holds 17 of the top 20 attended single-day sporting events in the world and claims 75 million fans who purchase ove…

Fast Food Heaven

You often hear people talk about Rock and Roll Heaven and the fabulous group that must have been formed to include members like Buddy Holly, Janis Joplin, Elvis Presley, Jimi Hendrix, John Bonham and so on. But there's another celestial group whose membership increased this week...Fast Food Heaven! Gidget, a 15 year old female chihuahua was the pitchman, er, ah, pitchdog for Taco Bell until a stroke put a permanent end to her advertising career - an effect eerily similar to the one might get from the product she pitched. But health concerns aside, she becomes the latest member of that great fast food restaurant in the sky.
It's no wonder Taco Bell had a dog as a spokesperson. Some of their menu items looked like they came out of the south end of a north-going mutt. But I digress.
15's pretty old in dog years. But she's not the only junk food maven to live to a ripe old age.

Other elderly members of this high cholesterol collection include Ray Kroc founder of McDonald'…

Under Where?

In Berlin, Germany police recently nabbed a kinky crook. Reuters reported earlier this week that police arrested a 46 year old man caught nicking 3 pairs of knickers from a sports store and uncovered over 1,000 pairs of underwear and more than 100 pairs of swimming trunks at the home of this wannabe Calvin Klein.

I guess you could say that after pooling their resources police nabbed the swimwear thief.

If he hid the swim suits in trees you might say police discovered trunks...in trunks. If he hid the underwear in a tree did he get his panties in a knot?
If it didn't take police long to solve the crime, you could say he was arrested after a brief investigation. If the thief was a drunk Caucasian, you could say police detained a tighty whitie.

Upon searching his house I wonder if police discovered what was in his drawers.

Maybe after an initial investigation police came up shorts. Nevertheless they got him in the end.
If he was gay with an underwear fetish he might have been a fruit of th…

No Sex Please We're Japanese

I was thumbing through a Maclean's magazine from a couple of weeks ago last week, catching up on my periodical reading (isn't that why they call them periodicals, 'cause you read them periodically?) and I came across an article that made me burst out loud laughing. In Japan apparently 60% of guys in their 20s are known as soushoki dansi or, in everyday English herbivores or literally translated grass eating boys.


Are these guys:
a) dope-fiends,
b) only date goats, or
c) have two stomachs.


None of the above. Nope. A herbivore is a celibate Japanese slacker. Konnichiwa? To be precise, according to Maclean's a herbivore is a young Japanese man "who saves money, shuns sex, has a penchant for nice clothing and prefers a quieter, less competitive lifestyle". In Japanese "sex" is translated as "relationship in flesh". So pop culturist Maki Fukasawato coined the term herbivore boys because they aren't interested in flesh.


The article goes on to sa…

Sunday Funnies

At least one editorial cartoonist was still having fun with "wafergate" this week as the furore over the Canadian Prime Minister allegedly pocketing a communion wafer died down. Meanwhile, Aislin in the Montreal Gazette was wondering along with a lot of other Canadians where Canada's answer to Madoff, Earl Jones, had run off to. CAM in the Ottawa Citizen found the lighter side to the story of Canada's privacy watchdog expressing concerns over how Facebook uses personal information. And several Canadian editorial cartoonists were happy to have former Prime Minister Jean Chretien to kick around again as he received his order of Merit from the Queen.







US and Them #10

It was Will Rogers who once said: "I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts." But the words might well have been uttered by - or for that matter about - former comedian and newly minted U.S. Senator Al Franken. Franken, you see, spent several decades as a writer and cast member of Saturday Night Live the show that forever lampooned the politicians of the day.


What are we to expect from the former comic and now Senator from Minnesota? Well, maybe there's a clue to be had from his past.



Franken, who spent nearly as much time contesting his election results as he did parodying politicians, in one of his incarnations appeared as self-help guru Stuart Smalley on SNL. Several of his famous catch phrases included:


Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.
It's easier to put on slippers than to carpet the entire world

Franken also wrote several books, among them the not-so-obli…