Thursday, 30 July 2009

Summer Camp Survival Guide

It's Day 4 of camp over at the interweb's comedy motherhouse Humor Bloggers Dot Com. Tuesday I participated in Campfire Sing Along Day. Today it's "Survival Day" and Head Camp Boob-Pah...er, ah...Poo-Bah Thinkinfyou has appointed Red Raider from Beyond Left Field to coordinate our survival efforts.

So, Red, here's how our little charges should handle themselves - and why - if they want to make it out alive...

1. Get your mom to sew labels with name and phone number in all clothes, particularly underwear...campers will change underwear every day - Tommy will change his with Billy, Billy with Harry, etc., and you'll want to get your own back at the end of the session before you go home.
2. Pack nutritious snack items, fruit and fruit juice boxes...because you won't find any nutritious meals at camp. We serve the blah-est and tasteless looking goopy slop you've ever seen. So if you wanna still be standing when camp's done, bring your own nutritious stuff.
3. Bring sunscreen and sun tan lotion...unless you live in eastern Canada or the northeast United States where these items may be substituted for rubber boots, raincoats and sou' wester hats (i.e. the garments worn on The Deadliest Catch). They've seen so much rain and so little sunshine for so long...how long is it?...its been so long moss has started to grow in their armpits.

4. Swimming is a daily activity so bring at least 2 swimsuits...unless you live in eastern Canada or the northeast United States, then see #3.


5. Pack plenty of cash or a 40 ouncer of Canadian Club...Counselor Raider can be bribed. He might just remember where he hid the outhouse key if appropriately compensated or lubricated.

And thus endeth the lesson of how to survive Camp Humor Blogger Dot Com! Thank God its only virtual.

17 comments:

thinkinfyou said...

Thank you for sharing your words of summer camp wisdom. Liquor,must not forget the liquor!!

Quirkyloon said...

You and Red make me sooo grateful that we were too poor to send me off to Summer Camp!

hee hee

kathcom said...

Alcohol! If I'd ever been allowed to go to camp growing up, I would have definitely brought that.

Nooter said...

snaks! if id ever been allowed to go to camp growing up, I would have definitely brought that.

freetheunicorns said...

It also helps to have a stash of weed somewhere. You never know when that will come in handy.

And, if the movies have taught me anything, condoms too.

CatLadyLarew said...

So THAT'S why your supposed to put labels in your underwear. I always wondered.

nonamedufus said...

thinkinfyou: Candy's dandy but... hey TFU what a great job you've done coordinating camp week at HBDC. Great job!

Quirks: aw, I bet you doulda gone to Zombie camp if there was one.

katchcom: Not for the kids, for the counselors!

Nooter: I don't think they have "snausages".

FTU: The only pot they had when I was a kid was one to pee in.

CatLady: Saves on laundry bills.

Unfinished Rambler said...

So no Canadian Club for the campers?! Awwwwwww! I was so look forwarding to that.

Don said...

Liquor is part of a proper first aid kit. Should one of the campers get hurt then I can get tipsy. It makes ignoring them much easier.

nonamedufus said...

UR: Nope, it's a camp for tiny teetotallers not tipsy teens.

Red: Hey there Survivor Day counselor. One of the brats asked me if you were on camp kitchen duty. I said, "I don't thinks so. Whisk he won't."

Anonymous said...

How funny - I'm a camp counselor, will be leaving for camp soon myself. You're right about the food. And I like the swimsuit idea, too. Last year they took mine of the line I'd strung up and I had to climb a tree to get it off of a limb. Luckily, I still have summa my ninja skillz ;-)

Ms. 30-something.

nonamedufus said...

Ms 30?: That's better than my story! Wish I had have seen that.

ReformingGeek said...

Can I bring my light saber and my flute?

I like the underwear exchange.....for the guys, that is!

Mike said...

Trading underwear without turning it inside out first is gross dood.

nonamedufus said...

Reforming Geek: Light saber and flute? Hmmm...

Mike: Ya turn it inside out on the 3rd day. Lasts longer that way.

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