Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from October, 2009

Barber Boo-Boo

Long back and sides, a little off the top?
That was mine. But there were others who made the cut this week in our Halloween edition of Pause, Ponder and Pun. For example Moooooog split my gut with his caption of:
Shit like this is why I don't go to Supercuts any more.
ba_hutch (no link, sorry) cut me up with:
I really love my creation -- it fits you so well. I can see your inner beauty.
And "Lothario" Don buzzed in with:
She's picking my brain. She must like me.
But Leeuna scored a close shave with her winning caption of:
Will I still be able to do the comb over thing?

Leeuna, you be hangin' with Dufus! Congratulations.

US and Them #17

We are much alike, Americans and Canadians. We may have different political systems but they are both democracies. And those democracies are both headed by elected leaders each of whom are concerned about the image of their government held "by the people". And yet, we are different.
Like Jackson and McCartney our leaders are black and white. One's a liberal, the other a conservative. One is preoccupied with how the media treats him and the other could care less...or so he says.
Governments have a love-hate relationship with the media at the best of times. Before they're elected, governments court the media in the hopes of obtaining positive and favourable coverage. After the election it usually doesn't take long for the relationship to change. All of a sudden the government is wary of the media. It's like they've turned out the lights and they're waiting for them to egg their front windows on Halloween. Let me give you an example.
In the States…

Ghosts of Halloween Past

I'm gonna cast my mind way back today...and at my age that ain't easy. As we approach Halloween a couple of interweb sites I belong to are cranking themselves up over all things boo-y. Theme Thursday has chosen Halloween as it's theme today and of course Humor Bloggers Dot Boo has got their freak on - literally - all week. Drop over to both sites and follow the links for some scary stuff.
Woah, woah, woah...not yet. Read my stuff first, then go there to get your monster mash.

Halloween in my day used to be the time of year dentists just loved. I recall one year, several months past Halloween when I made a trip to the scariest place on earth for me - Dr. Hacking - only to discover the kindness of my neighbours and two months of lugging their largess to school for snacks had resulted in 17 cavities. After 17 fillings you can bet there was a whole lot of shaking going on.
Yet if that was the worst that could happen, so what. We didn't have razor blades and pins stuck …

Pumpkins, Pirates and Princesses?

Welcome to our Halloween edition of Pause, Ponder and Pun. Good luck scaring up a comment this week, folks. See you Saturday when we'll take a boo at our winner...
When you're done here, check out Mad-Mad Margo, ettarose and Kirsten to fill your captioning fix. They've got some great pics today, too.

And if you're looking for more boo for your buck, check out Humor Bloggers Dot Com for more Halloween hilarity!

A Crappy Halloween

'Twas the night before Halloween, when all through our home
Not a creature was stirring, not even a gnome
The pumpkins were carved by the front door with care
In hopes the Addams family soon would be there
The children were costumed in orange, black and red
While visions of chocolate bars danced in their heads
Ma wore a kerchief, and I in my cap
Had just locked the door for a ten minute crap

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
I sprang from the throne to see what was the matter
I leaned to zip up my pants in a flash
And inflicted on my hoo-haw a most hurtful gash

The moon on the breast of the woman below
Gave the lustre of mid-day to Elvira - she glowed


When, what to my wondering eyes should appear
But Father Roy with a six pack of beer


With a little young boy, who's name was Nick
I knew in a moment I must act real quick

More rapid than eagles my curses they came
And I whistled and shouted and called him names
Now Father you pervert, stop prancing you vixen
Is the the six beers why you…

Halloween In Canada - Festival Of The Very Stupid

The folks over at Humor Bloggers Dot Com are celebrating all things ghoulish and gobliny - with the odd zombie thrown in - all week during their Halloween Humor Carnival. In keeping with that theme, today I've decided to take a look at something that scares the bejeezus out of most Canadians...
Few people know of the Canadian connection to Halloween. Were you aware of the secret society in the Haunted House of Commons that worships at the feet of the electorate? Oh yes. According to that well-known and respected source of information - dufuspedia - Halloween has it's origins in the ancient political festival known as election which is derived from Lower Canada and means "sanity's end".
The celebration has some elements of a "festival of the very stupid". The ancient Lower Canadians believed the border between bad government, this world, and good government, or Otherworld, became thin at election, allowing spirits (both harmless and harmful) to pass…

Sunday Funnies

Where the Wild Things Are opened in theatres last week and several political cartoonists, both north and south of the border sought inspiration from it. In Canada, the balloon boy fallout translated nicely into the political games the Liberals were playing. The medical marijuana debate in the States inspired a couple of cartoonists. And, oddly enough, as Halloween approaches, several cartoonists used it as a backdrop for their economic portrayals...








Speaking of Halloween, my buds over at Humor Bloggers Dot Com are getting their ghoul-on this week. Drop by to see what the rest of the crew are doing each and every day leading up to the big night. Tell 'em Dufus sent ya.

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

This guy's butt ugly and some folks made a real ash of themselves this week trying to come up with a great caption. For example...

Knucklehead with:
See? Smoking does NOT stain your teeth!


Donna with:
Now that's what I call a butt head.


And Cat Lady Larew with:
Nobody ever told George that medical marijuana wouldn't work for sinus and ear infections.


But the winner this week has to be newcomer Jeremy from We Took The Bait and his caption of:
Phillies first baseman Ryan Howard attempts to calm his nerves before the opening game of the World Series.


Yeah, Jeremy! Congrats to all for their great captions but this week Jeremy be hangin' with Dufus!

This Just In

Today dufus goes behind the headlines to bring you the most accurate analysis there is on the interwebs, this side of Fox News. In this edition of noname news we bring you the news you probably can't use, and probably weren't interested in to begin with and spiff it up in such a way to prove beyond a doubt that the 10 minutes you'll have spent reading it is 10 minutes you'll never get back. Now, something I've always wanted to say: "This just in..."

Blago allowed to compete on Celebrity Apprentice - a U.S. District Judge has allowed disgraced Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich to participate in the Donald Trump reality show. The show is going in a new direction this year. Rumour has it he'll go against Bernard Madoff and the former CEOs of GM, Lehman Brothers and Enron.

Gosselin kids suffer as pawns in split - well that's no surprise. While Jon and Kate may think they're a King and Queen, they're more like a couple of rooks. Check, m…

Circulation Problems

No I'm not talking about a hardening of the arteries, but then again a congestion of this kind of artery may result in high blood pressure.
The Urban Dictionary defines "traffic" as: a collection of cars, all of which just so happen to have left for their destination at the exact SECOND as you and are in the same spot as you, at the same time as you, illegally defying the law of probability. Also an old band that Steve Winwood used to play in.

Traffic. It's the bane of our existence. Whether it's crawling down the road during rush hour or maneuvering in and out of road construction, there's just no avoiding...TRAFFIC. Here's a few lighter items for you to recall the next time you're stuck in traffic, that gives truth to that old maxim "There's always somebody worse off than you".
A little old lady was standing on the street corner waiting for the light to turn green when all of a sudden she heard a "beep, beep" sound. She t…

Pause, Ponder and Pun

This guy definitely has a problem. How much of a problem is up to you. Go ahead and leave a comment. I'm sure you'll make a real ash of yourself.

What Do I Have For Breakfast While Reading My E-Mails?

Dear:AhmedHassan Azeem Igwedo Joy Mgobo Sarah Kamel (aka The Princess) ...and the 437 Other Esteemed Members Of My Spam Folder
Thank you for taking the time out of your busy day to correspond with me. I am very grateful you have picked me to offer among other things:
a) the winning e-mail address in your fictitious but multi-million dollar lottery b) a larger penis c) your hand in i)friendship, ii)marriage iii) an illicit long distance homosexual relationship d) graphic design services e) the latest post from moooooog (HOW DID HE GET IN HERE?) f) a foreign partnership in exchange for my bank account number g) unclaimed cheque at UPS h) to close down my Yahoo e-mail account unless I supply all my personal information including password i) waiting for my URGENT response j) 50% of the life savings of some woman from Ireland who lives in Africa (or vice-versa) with ovarian cancer who has "two days to leave" k) 23 year-old Miss Chistiana from Guinea, Bissau who would "really appreciate if …

Matter Over Mind

So I'm sitting here thinking. Yeah, just thinking. And staring at this huge empty page. It's not often that the words fail to come, that the thoughts don't crystallize, that the jokes and the puns don't fall into place. But every once in awhile...it happens.
Often I write my posts several days in advance. Sometimes, when creativity is in full flight I've banked a week's worth of material by the end of the previous week. But today...
Today, as the words dribble out hesitantly, it's Sunday. I've got a post up today but after that...
It's that twilight period between doing the breakfast dishes and settling in to the NFL pre-game shows. First Chris Berman and then J.B. and then a double header of frenzied football. An afternoon of zoned-out bliss that will take me away from the pressure of the looming deadline.
But right now the pressure's on. I must fill the page...with something...with anything. God, an ebbing flow of creativity is almost …

Sunday Funnies

It was an interesting week, last week, in the funny papers. Political cartoonists were still taking a jab at Obama, his peace prize, and bombing the moon. The Canadian dollar gained ground on it's American counterpart last week achieving almost equal value. And while Canada may not got the Phoenix Coyotes, there was a rumour last week the NHL may well resurrect the Quebec Nordiques. Vive la difference! Oh, and Rush Limbaugh (great football name) was turned down in his efforts to own the St. Louis Rams. Just as well. No one saw him as a minority owner!






Awards

TA - DAH!!!
Can you guess what these are? Melted frisbees? Coins a little kid left on the railway track? Pancakes left out in the sun? Nope, nope and nope. They were unveiled Thursday as the gold, silver and bronze medals for the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver. Like 'em or not they're certainly different. Me? I like 'em. They're kinda cool.

Speaking of awards, another week, another awards day Saturday. Boy the captions were good this week. It was even tough picking Honourable Mentions. I was a little fuzzy on this pic myself. It was an arresting image, to say the least. But the winner screamed out at me like a siren. *rolls eyes*


This week's HM's go to:
Carl Vine said...The L.A. Police, in an effort to soften their bad-boy image, are testing a fleet of prototype vehicles. Here, Officer Golstrom demonstrates a model with a convenient donut basket.
CatLadyLarew said...George was delighted to be accepted into the Barbie Police Academy. He gets his pin…