Sunday, May 31, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Tall-boys, stubbies, quarts, pints, cans, kegs or out of a tap, the nectar of the gods comes in many forms, shapes and sizes.
Now Canadians may hold their beer in a stein but they also hold it in high esteem. And they have a very distinct view of the quality associated with American beer.
Canadians may be known for their politeness and reserved nature but when it comes to their opinion of American beer, they simply can’t hold back. Not to put too fine a point on it, they think it tastes like swill. And they think when they drink it, owing to a) the distinct lack of alcohol compared to Canadian beer and b) it’s ability to pass through you quicker than spruce juice through a goose, they spend far too much time going to the bathroom. Yep if it weren’t for American beer we wouldn’t have that age-old maxim “You don’t purchase beer, you only rent it!” More importantly it has a lower buzz quotient. Yeah, you’ve got to drink many more in order to get your freak on.
Alas, it’s the Americans who have the last laugh on those uppity Canadians. You see Molson and Labatt’s - Canada’s largest breweries - are no longer, well, Canadian. Molson is owned by Coors , Labatt’s by Anheuser Busch.
But Canadians can rest easy. If all else fails, we still have Canada’s #1 favourite beer...
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
If you're not aware of what I'm referring to, allow me to hallucinate. KFC has come out with a new line of "grilled" chicken. Commendable, considering they've only now decided to hop on the "eat healthy" band wagon that their competitors reluctantly initiated about 15 years ago. Enter Oprah. In an act of kindness (yeah, right, there's a deal in there somewhere) Mrs. Television directed viewers to her website where they could download coupons for a free grilled chicken meal.
Monday, May 25, 2009
And here's Douglas Adams in what is touted as his last interview.
Hope you're wearing your towel today!
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Tits, titties, tig ol' bitties, boobs, jugs, melons, cans, hooters, dirty pillows, gazongas, yabbos, tig bitties, knockers, mammaries, fun bags, honkers, headlights, baps, meat puppets, ta-tas, naturals, boobies, guns, bahama mammas, balloons, bawagos, big brown eyes, blinkers, bobambas, bodacious tatas, bombs, bosom, bosooms, boulders, Bristols, brown suckies, bubatoes, bups, bust, busts, Cadillac bumper bullets, casabas, chest, chuberteens, cones, gedoinkers, doorknobs, floppers, fried eggs, fugis, gams, gazangas, jungle tits, golden bazoos, golden winnebagoes, mounds, mountains, marshmallows, Maguffies, grenadoes, hogans, honkers,itty-bitty-titties, jalobes, bazongoes, bazookas, bazooms, bazoos, ninnies, nips, nupies, pair, nice pair, penis squeezers, beamers, starter buttons, tads, handles, tatas, tittyboppers, bee stings, jiggers, jobes, rolling hills, cup cakes, cushions, dairy section, highbeams, hinyackas, knobs, love apples, love monkeys, luscious scoops of flesh, twins, love warts, watermellons, wazoos, whoppers, winnebagos, yabos, mambas, mammas, mamms, massive mammaries, mazabas, mellons, milk factories, Mcguffies, mosquito bites,perkies, pillows, pimples, pink chewies, rack, set, smosabs, stacked, torpedoes, towel racks.
I'm sure we haven't exhausted all the synonoms for "chesticles" in this list, although I must say I am after reading it! Now the next natural question - for a guy anyway - is who has the biggest ones? Well funny you should ask. I asked myself the same question and went looking (in a manner of speaking) for the answer.
According to WikiAnswers, a lady called Olivia Dear in Wales UK is rumoured to have the biggest in the UK .
Lolo Ferrari (born Eve Valois) appeared in the French Guinness Book of World Records in 1996 and again in the American Guinness Book of World Records in 2003. Her brassiere measurements have been given by various sources as 58F, 54G, and 54J.
Sabrina Sabrok (born March 4, 1977 in Buenos Aires, Argentina) is an Argentine model and television actress. Sabrok is mostly known for her large breasts (small wonder, they each weigh 3.5 kilograms) and her beauty. Sabrina has recently gained attention with her plans to have the world's largest breasts through plastic surgery; she hopes to achieve a bra size of 42XXX.
Tina Small (yeah, right) a British model of the 1980's claimed to measure 84EE OR GG-22-34.
The aptly (or amply) named Chelsea Charms claims to have a 153XXX bust, but no conclusive evidence is shown.
And my two favourites (no pun intended):
Wendy Whoppers claims an 88 EE bust.
And finally, the holder of the Guinness World Record for the "World's Largest Augmented Breasts" is (wait for it) Maxi Mounds .
She approached Guinness in August of 2003, but the category did not yet exist. After creating the category the Guinness organization contacted her to request her measurements and other documentation. She was presented with an official certificate that reads: Maxi Mounds (USA) was measured at Sarasota, Florida, on 4 February 2005 and found to have an under breast measurement of 91.44 cm (36 in) and an around chest-over-nipple measurement of 153.67 cm (60.5 in). She currently wears a US size 42M bra (UK 42J)
Well, that concludes the lesson for today. Ta-tas for now...
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
This year’s pageant is seemingly more famous not because of who won but because of who lost. Poor Carrie Prejean, Miss California, basically lost it all when she went up against celebrity judge Perez Hilton, the gay gossip monger extraordinaire. What sealed her fate was his question respecting her opinion regarding gay marriage. She’s not in favour. He wasn’t in favour of her response and demonstrated his reaction in the distinct lack of points he awarded her. She came out runner-up.
When looking at the legs in an animal, the judge is looking mainly at the structure, and for some muscle.
When looking at the body, the judge wants to see as much rib extension as possible - this means having a large chest area. A long body is desirable because it holds more meat. A large, muscled rump is important, too.
Finally, the udders on females should not be pendulous and the teat size and placement is critical.
In Canada, however, our cattle calls don’t have a Question and Answer component. And I’ve yet to see nubile bovine black and whites. Bessie, your crown would appear to be secure.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
Hawaiian Pun at Write in the Kisser brought the whole cockamamie thing to a crashing conclusion. If you want you read the whole piece (and I use that word advisedly) from start to finish wander over to his site. You won't regret it. Well you might, but...
"Except it's not."
"Well it's May 24th."
"Except it's not."
"Well ,then what the heck's going on."
"Only in Canada."
"Actually throughout the Commonwealth."
Confused? Your humble servant and hokey historian will attempt to explain. Technically all of the statements above are correct. Today is Victoria Day in Canada, where we observe Queen Victoria's birthday and the current monarch's birthday, even though this isn't really Queen Elizabeth's birthday. Queen Victoria (cute little thing isn't she) ruled the commonwealth for over 60 years, dying in 1901. Her birthday was the 24th of May but in Canada we celebrate it on the Monday before or if Monday falls on the 24th. So this year, it's the 18th of May. We do this so we get our first long weekend of the spring/summer season. Hence, May Two-Four. But in Canada this is a double-entendre because that's the term Canadians apply to a case of 24 beer, many of which are purchased to celebrate the Victoria Day Weekend.
And here's where things get even more interesting. Not only do we celebrate the birthday of a Queen of another country. But we buy beer made by companies from other countries.
Canada's second largest brewer Molson is owned by Coors. So much for it's wildly famous "I Am Canadian" advertising campaign!The largest brewer in Canada Labatt's is owned by Belgian brewer Interbrew, now known as Anheuser-Busch InBev.
And so my friends, this little story has served to illustrate the quintessential Canadian. We invite ourselves to somebody else's birthday party and drink the other guests beer, eh!