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Showing posts from December, 2009

Dick Drops His Ball And We're Watchin' It At My Place

It's party time at nonamedufus!  I live in Ottawa - across the river in Aylmer, Quebec to be precise - and holding a party here can be a real challenge.  Ottawa's a government town where bureaucrats vacate their offices at 4pm and the sidewalks are rolled up by 6pm.  In downtown Ottawa there's a pedestrian mall called Sparks Street a block away from Parliament Hill.  While the street is jammed with civil servants at lunch time, passing through shops and eating at outdoor terraces, you can shoot a cannon down the street at 5pm and not fear hitting anyone except for a flock of pigeons still engaged in plucking dropped french fries off of the pavement.

But I digress, I was shanghaied into this party in the comments section of my post Tuesday by CatLadyLarew who invited herself to what then was a non-existent party.  She said she was going to drive up from Rochester  ...and to use a seasonal expression, it kind of snowballed from there.

So I got some snacks out - some swedish …

Moooooog's 2009 End of Year "What's This Shit" Caption Challenge

Between now and when we announce the winner of our "little contest that could" we'll have celebrated New Year's eve and ushered in 2010.  Happy New Year's everyone.  Because half of us will be brain-dead from celebrating a wee too much into the early hours, it's only fitting they'd bring back Dick Clark to help host the festivities.  On that note, caption away...

Kirsten may be running late but check to see if her caption contest is up and running.  ettarose has been m.i.a. in the last few weeks but maybe she's back this week.  And that Arizona amnesiac Mad Mad Margot just might have her thing going today so check her out too.

See ya back here with the winner on Saturday.

Fly The Friendly Skies

Boy, oh  boy, those poor folks trying to get out of Dodge on an airplane this week.  Since that Nigerian guy tried to blow up his crotch and a plane last week in Detroit Transport Canada has clamped down on security at Canadian airports.  Havoc has ensued.  Line ups, delayed and cancelled flights.  No carry-on luggage allowed.  I'd hate to be an air traveller trying to get home or get away on holidays.

The more I thought about this story, the more questions I asked myself.

Southwest Airlines picked the wrong time to go with their "all checked bags fly free" promotion.

The guy sewed the explosives into his underpants.  It gave me visions of the guy in Spinal Tap going through security with a cucumber in his pants wrapped in aluminum foil.


No skid marks!

Although, now that I've seen the size of the um, er, packet of explosives this guy had little to brag about...if you know what I mean.

The guy's from Nigeria.  What's up? Did he want to teach us a lesson for not…

Look What I Got For Christmas

Yep, last week...the week leading up to Christmas...Christmas eve as it were...nonamedufus got a metaphorical lump of coal in his stocking.  And here I'd done my best to be a good boy.  Let me back up.  Around late summer/early fall I submitted my blog to Ask And Ye Shall Receive for review.  When a couple of months had passed and I'd had no response I figured they'd passed me by and I put it behind me.

Lo and behold, last week a very nice fellow by the name of People In The Sun reviewed my blog.  Now I should have picked up on their preternatural disposition to other people's blogs.  The domain name of their site is, after all http://iwillfuckingtearyouapart.blogspot.com/.  Yeah, enough said.  And, I knew going in they had a mad on for humour bloggers, in particular members of Humor Bloggers Dot Com.  But it must have been my good Catholic upbringing because as an adult I still crave to be punished for no good cause.



The review, titled Blame Humor Bloggers, is kind …

Sunday Funnies - Happy Holidays Edition

Happy Holidays everyone!

From My Cold Dead Hands

Well everyone took their best shot this week.  For example, Tgoette got us in his sights with:

Merry Christmas from the Glenn Beck compound.




CatLady's arresting effort was:

Christmas is all about family, togetherness and automatic weapons.




And FreakSmack slayed me with:

The Johnson kids know one thing, if Santa thinks he can come into their house and get all kissy-kissy under the mistletoe without bringing them a Bakugan Battle Arena, then this Christmas will be his last.


But it was Moooooog who must be a charter-carrying member of the NRA.  Our winner came up with:

Charlton Heston's grandkids have a very Merry Christmas.




And so, Moooooog, at this wonderful Christmas time, you be hangin' with Dufus.  Congratulations!!!

Thanks for playing everyone and for enjoying the pics this year.  Here's to a happy New Year.


It's Christmas At Ground Zero

Bless You

Christmas eve! Where did the time go? And as we anticipate Christmas morning with packs of presents under the tree, family near, and a huge turkey dinner tomorrow night, tonight we - as the song goes - will fall asleep counting our blessings. Some of us. For others Christmas isn't all blessings.





Here are a few items that crossed my mind or my computer screen last week. And in the spirit of giving, I just thought I'd share them with you.


Now that I have an 52" HDTV, news networks run clips of reporters on broadband and Skype. What's up with that? I make a step forward. They take two back.


Italian PM Berlusconi was severely disfigured when a deranged man threw a small statue at him breaking his teeth and cutting his face. When hit with the mini-monument was Berlusconi heard to inquire, "Allo, statue?" (I know, bad, bad joke.)


An SUV recently crashed into the departures area at Vancouver International Airport. Talk about "checking in". The car, by…

Pause, Ponder and Pun - Christmas Edition (2)

Aw, isn't that cute.
A Christmas present that makes a point - a hollow point!
You guys know what to do. I'll see you Saturday with the target..er, ah, winner.
Oh, and Merry Christmas.

This Is No Silent Night

At Christmas many folks are moved to lift up their voices in song and sing traditional carols. Well, not around here. It's Christmas Carnival Week over at Yule (Howl) Log Dot Com and I've decided to rewrite one of those traditional carols and try to mention as many of my favourite blogger buds as is possible. Think of it as my way of wishing you guys a Merry Christmas. And, hey, it's way cheaper than a gift.

This is No Silent Night by nonamedufus
This is no silent night, holy nightThis is Stuff and Nonsense, yeah right Round yon Musings of A Quirkyloon About Zombies, she makes me swoon Out Beyond Left Field Out Beyond Left Field
This is no silent night, holy night The Offended Blogger is quite a sight Debbie Does Drivel from heaven afar Crochety Old Man Yells at Cars Christ, Screaming Me-Me me scorns Christ, Screaming Me-Me me scorns
This is no silent night, holy night The Unfinished Rambler is getting tight Is Ettarose's Sanity On Edge? Are those Nanny Goats in Panties up on the l…

The Resurrection of Santa Claus

Well, that special day is drawing near. And as it does my thoughts turn to Christmas as a kid: toys, snow, the tree and, of course, Santa Claus.
Growing up as a kid, Christmas was probably the most special day of the whole year. I'd looked forward to it for months. I'd pretty much have the Sears Christmas catalogue memorized by the time I had to pull my wish list together. And if we were lucky, it had snowed in the days leading up to Christmas and we'd make snow angels and snow men. A snowball fight or two with the other kids on the street was a certainty.
I grew up in Toronto. In the suburb of Scarborough to be precise. There weren't any big hills near our house - and we didn't have a car - so I had to rely on my friends' parents to drive us and our toboggans to the nearest snowy slope. There was an outdoor skating rink nearby, though, and we would spend hours at Clairlea Park playing shinny.
I walked to and from Our Lady of Fatima School everyday. All m…

Sunday Funnies

The world's leaders gathered in Copenhagen to discuss the environment over the last two weeks. Arriving by private jets and travelling in private limos did little to reduce the carbon footprint. Canada was recognized appropriately for it's climate change efforts, winning the Colossal Fossil Award. This dubious honour is bestowed upon the nation that has won the most Fossil of the Day Awards throughout the conference.
Delegates had further reason to question Canada's commitment to climate change when documents were leaked that indicated the federal government would go easy on the oil and gas sector, in terms of emissions, particularly Alberta's oilsands operations. Political cartoonists didn't limit their emissions.
Oh, and since this is our last Sunday Funnies before the big day - Merry Christmas!





Let It Blow, Let It Blow, Let It Blow...

Oh the picture on my blog is frightful But the captions were delightful And since Grampa's got no place to go Let it blow, let it blow, let it blow
Ah, nothing like a blow-up doll to inflate our spirits this time of year...
We had plenty of great captions this week.

For example, injaynesworld got me chuckling with...
Some people can just suck the life out of anything

And lotgk took a swing at things with...
Since the Tiger Woods debacle, Ernie has been working overtime to keep up with requests

And FreakSmack got good one in with...
Sure, Grandpa acted surprised to find the blow-up doll under the tree, but the man's been walking around singing "All I want for Christmas is a Porky Paulina" since mid July

Those were all good captions, folks, but it was surveygirl46 that put me over the top with...
When Bobby came downstairs the night before Christmas and caught his Grandfather sitting under the tree and "patching Patches", the mystery of what an 86 year-old man had been…

Just What The Doctor Ordered

The other night my wife and I were partaking in our favourite nocturnal activity. No, not THAT one. We were watching TV. We were glued to some mindless drivel when a commercial came on. Now normally we reach for the remote and turn down the sound because the volume level of commercials must be 10 times louder than the shows we watch. But we weren't quick enough and we began watching an ad for a smoking cessation product.

I quit smoking about 15 years ago, after several unsuccessful attempts over the close to 30 years I puffed those cancer sticks. I started at 11 or 12 years of age and asked my smoking parents for permission to smoke when I was 13. I think they were disappointed, but what could they do? After all they already stunk up the house, the yard and my lungs. The best way my Dad could put it was "I'm giving you my permission but not my acceptance." And so 30 years of going from a social "with-it" to being a social "misfit" - a rea…

A Tale Of Two Athletes - Will History Repeat Itself?

The Theme Thursday topic this week is "history". And, as is my predilection, here's a bit of a different take on the theme. Sports has had a history of bad boys. Tiger Woods won't be the last. But who will be the next? Read on.
Until now transgressions of sports figures have sort of flown beneath the radar. They may make the news for a couple of days and then people forget about it. We've seen some who've been shot, who've shot others and who've shot themselves. Then there are those who train and bet on fight dogs. And of course there's the steroid hall of fame. But it was you-know-who who really put transgressing sports figures on the map.
At least MY hero hasn't gone off the rails. He's as straight as an arrow, as cool as a cucumber and as sharp as a tack (I never understood that one. Are tacks sharp?) I'm talking about Brett Favre. But wait a minute. When you think about it, Favre is poised to slip. He's right on the…

Pause, Ponder and Pun - Christmas Edition (1)

You may have seen mommy kissing Santa Claus, but I saw Grampa a-wassailing - so THAT's what that means!
Okay, to get in the festive spirit we've run a Christmas-themed pic this week. We'll do the same next week, too.
Give it your best shot. We'll see you Saturday folks, with a winner. Of course you're all winners in my book. (What a suck-up.) Merry Christmas.

'Tis The Season

There's nothing like the advent of Christmas and the anticipated arrival of relatives to get one's ass in gear. Last night my mother-in-law arrived on an eastbound Westjet from British Columbia. Like a dutiful son(-in-law) I met her at the airport, winter boots in hand. Hey' we've got snow. In Kelowna, they're still water skiing. Well not quite, but they are a tad warmer and snowless. Plane: leaving it to the last minute is sure to result in a close shave
All this to say the exodus has begun. My brother-in-law and his son arrive on the weekend and the cousins and their kids from Montreal and Wichita will be Aylmer-bound Christmas eve. The kids and grandkids will be here Christmas day.
But back to yesterday. With 5 hours to spare before I'd see the white's of the eyes of the first family member I finally got around to doing a couple of odd jobs. You have to understand, I'm a last-minute kind of guy. In university, I used to count off the penalty p…

I Know What Happened To Baby Jane!

Remember that campy horror film from the early 60s, "What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?" Well, I think I know. I read an article yesterday that made me laugh but it made me shake my head at the same time.
It had to do with a woman in Dartmouth, Massachussetts who strangled her nursing home roommate to death. That sounds pretty tragic doesn't it? Nothing to laugh at.
But it turns out the strangler was 98 years old. The stranglee was 100. Wha? That's how I reacted. I did a double take. I backed up and read the article a second time.
It seems the younger(!) of the two women thought the other one was "taking over" their room. And she taunted her older roommate about soon getting the bed by the cherished window because she was going to outlive her. I guess she knew something the other woman didn't.
Now, it strikes me that someone - a family member, nursing home staff, somebody - would have seen trouble brewing. After all, the two had been roommates for…

Sunday Funnies