Here's my view of how the news conference went using actual quotes from Woods. Of course the quotes are totally out of context.
Masters defender or master deceptor
Tiger Woods sat down with reporters yesterday and apologized to his fans. Well, he apologized to a small group of fans...female fans "I acted terribly...I need to change that. Going forward I need to be a better man than I was before." Mistresses, past, present and future were thrilled to hear Tiger's words. "Just because I've gone through treatment doesn't mean it stops."
Reporters were interested in the incident that brought Tiger's infidelities to light: the night he crashed his car on the street in front of his house. "Winning golf tournaments through all of this is irrelevant to the damage I've caused." Woods totally destroyed his Cadillac Escalade. And how did his wife Elin react? "...a busted up lip and a sore neck. That was about it." Tiger confirmed he needed five stitches to his face.
Oops, look at the time. Gotta go. Someone's waiting for me back at the hotel.
Asked how he felt about the fans' reaction to their first glimpse of Tiger since the sex scandal broke, he used an analogy from his cheating ways, "...it blew me away, to be honest with you, it really did."