People can be silly sometimes. And when they drink too much they can be even sillier.
I often review news sites for story ideas both for this blog and my political satire blog Slings and Arrows. When I really get desperate for something to write about, I take a peak at the "Odd News" websites. They're usually good for a laugh - kinda like a print version of America's Funniest Videos. You know what I mean. Whenever I watch that show I marvel at how stupid people can be. Not only that but they record their half-brained efforts and send them in to share their stupidity with millions upon millions of television viewers around the world. They should re-name that show "America's Got Stupid People" or "So You Think You Can Jump Off A Roof Onto a Trampoline and Dunk a Basketball". Too bad "Biggest Loser" is already taken.
Where was I? Oh, yeah, people can be even stupider when they drink.
Take for example, Oleksandr Nayda of Monroe, New York. On a recent Saturday morning he found a stray Rottweiler and drove to the police station to inquire where the animal shelter might be. Police smelled alcohol on the good samaritan - at 10 o'clock in the morning - and jailed him on $1,000 bail. Next time, if your drunk and driving, it might be cheaper to just run over that puppy.
Or how about the guy in Iowa City, Iowa who was arrested after striking a street sign with his car. He ditched his car, because he'd been drinking and took off. Police later caught up with the man who wasn't wearing a stitch of clothing. Witnesses were able to identify the man because they'd earlier seen a naked man drive away from a convenience store. There's a lesson here. If you're going to drink and drive wear clothes. It'll be harder for witnesses to identify you.
Then there's this gem from New Port Richey, Florida. A man called 911 with an emergency. When police arrived at the man's home they found him to be "very intoxicated". What was their first clue? Well it seems the reason he called 911 was because his mother took his beer and he wanted to have her arrested. That sounds like an emergency alright. Charles Dennison told police he'd keep calling 911 until she was charged. Turns out he was charged...with making false 911 calls and put behind bars...no, no not those bars - jail cell bars!
Lesson? If you drive don't drink. And if you drink don't drive to the police station or call 911.
Finally, here's something that's enough to drive you to drink. I'm watching the NBA playoffs last night and in Canada the American telecast is carried by a Canadian broadcaster so that they can run Canadian commercials. There's one that was so stupid and ran so often - usually twice in the same commercial break - that it really tested my patience. Take a look:
Sheesh. Once or twice okay, but upwards of thirty times a night? I found this Speed Stick schtick to be annoying and an insult to my intelligence. Kind of makes me wonder what the boys at the ad agency, who dreamed this up, were drinking.