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If I Had Kim Kardashian's Ass

I’m sure Kim Kardashian is a wonderful person. I mean being a reality show harlot and a sex tape queen aside – two essential celebutante assets, to be sure – I’m certain she’s a very nice individual, entirely worthy of being a BFF (Biggest Fanny Forever) to Paris “That’s So Hot” Hilton.
Speaking of two assets, there’s no doubt when snapped from behind by the pursuing paparazzi who those ass cheeks belong to. Uh-huh. None other than double K. She’s got it all over J- LO and Beyonce. All over. And that’s saying something ’cause those girls are really out there in the BAAS – Biggest Ass in America Sweepstakes.
Kim and her ass are so lucky compared to me and my boney rump. If I had KK’s ass…
1) sitting on a sharp object would go largely unnoticed
2) it wouldn’t go to sleep while sitting on the toilet
3) you could fart in public and not worry about it finding it’s way out until 3 days later
4) it would give new meaning to being cheeky
5) hell, it would give new meaning to turn the other cheek – “Look out. Step back. She’s getting ready to turn the other cheek!”
However on the down-side:
1) she has to grease up every time she wants to slip into a pair of jeans
2) she buys her thongs from Omar the tent maker
3) on the dance floor she’s never asked her to shake her booty
4) when she backs up she emits a “beep-beep-beep” sound
5) TSA agents fight over who gets to do the cavity search, in fact I think one might already be trapped in there
You know Kim’s a rich kid. But while she comes from a well-to-do family she says she’s had it hard. Between you and me I tend to think she’s never had to work her ass off, if you get my drift.
After all is said and done, though, I think you’d have to admit that’s one posterior for posterity.
This post about protruding posteriors first appeared at The Parody Files.


Simple Dude said…
That is so true. She's asstastic, buttrageous and reartendous all at once.

I may have coined one of those words, not sure. I'll always get 'behind' a post about rear ends.

nonamedufus said…
Simple Dude: I think you've just about said it all. You know there's a ceratin dairy air about her, too.
Boom Boom Larew said…
Wow... KK makes my fat butt actually look kinda small. I'd have it all over her if the rest of my body didn't match my ass. But then again, the poor girl's had a hard time in her life so I really shouldn't be hatin'on her. Maybe I should send her something from my disability check.
nonamedufus said…
Boom Boom: I have to admire how she manages to stay on her feet. With a tush that size I'm surprised she doesn't fall flat on her backside more often. Maybe she could borrow your crutches and use them as stabilizers.
Another asset: She can be in two different rooms all at once. - G
nonamedufus said…
Georgina: Ha,ha,ha. That cracked me up.
00dozo said…
Dang! And I thought Bahamian women had big butts! Are those implants??
Kelly said…
You guys "Crack" me up!
Malisa said…
But, but, butt...never mind. I tell you what...when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips!

Please come over and play on my blog today! I need some creative souls!

nonamedufus said…
00dozo: Can women get butt implants? Zowie. Who knew.
nonamedufus said…
Kelly: Why do they call it cellulite? On her it sire looks celluheavy!
nonamedufus said…
Malisa: That's very good. Wish I'd thought of it.
Quirkyloon said…

It should be painted on a mural somewhere. Everybody would stop and ponder at the wonderous butt.

I know I would!

hee hee
nonamedufus said…
Quirks: Ha ha. She has an ass big enough for two blogs! And you've commented on both of them.

Mrs Dufus thinks they're fake. Ha!
K A B L O O E Y said…
She looks like someone R. Crumb would have drawn. I have to say, I think all of those sisters are beautiful. I don't know anything about them except that Bruce Jenner's their stepdad, and HE is some scary-looking plastic surgery nightmare. The girls, though? Beautiful.
I have to admit that your headline led me to believe this was going to be an entirely different post, one that Mrs. NoName might not approve of. But you pulled it out of your ass in the end, so to speak, and cracked me up. You're a cheeky monkey, NoName.
nonamedufus said…
KABLOOEY: Are you part of that family? I just googled Jenner and learned ALL his kids names start with "K". Boy, that's really kute!

And the Kardashian reality show's been on TV for 5 years. What's up with America???
nonamedufus said…
Mike: I don't know what got into me. Must be a full moon.
Janna said…
"3) you could fart in public and not worry about it finding it’s way out until 3 days later"

The worst part is when it has to stop and ask for directions.
nonamedufus said…
Janna: A man-fart just wouldn't do that.
I wonder if her ass has a gravitational pull all of its own?
nonamedufus said…
Mike: I think it kinda defies gravity.
You had me at "butt goes to sleep on toilet seat." VERY funny blog.
nonamedufus said…
Heidi Heidi: I'm glad you liked it. Thanks.
Simple Dude said…
That is so true. She's asstastic, buttrageous and reartendous all at once.

I may have coined one of those words, not sure. I'll always get 'behind' a post about rear ends.

Janna said…
"3) you could fart in public and not worry about it finding it’s way out until 3 days later"

The worst part is when it has to stop and ask for directions.
Cheryl said…
Dear Lord! That bitch stole my grandmother's ass!
nonamedufus said…
So, like, your grandmother could give this clueless wonder a run for her money?
Cheryl said…
She could have. Wide bottom and full of spunk. French-Canadian wild-fire. First time I heard 'fuck' was out of her mouth.
Cheryl said…
Ich bin ein Berliner.
nonamedufus said…
Berliner's have fat asses? You've just insulted an entire population!
I'm perusing your blog, liking the new template and clean design.

Just read this while choking on laughter to my husband who said,
"Who wrote that?" with a large measure of incredulity in his voice.
nonamedufus said…
Well it wasn't too difficult to be funny about this. Look at what I had to work with!

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