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Showing posts from February, 2010

Sunday Funnies

Pause Ponder and Punt

There were some great captions this week.  For example Don demonstrated terrific punmanshp with...

The Pillsbury Doughboy will be sure to knead the team into a cohesive unit.

Ziva demonstrated her hunger to win with...

They knew little Jimmy had an eating problem when the football went missing mid-game.

And our good buddy Moooooog gave us something to Cheers about

Kirstey Alley plays football?!?!

But Mad Mad Margo has the week's winner...


Clearly a case of dunlap disease...his belly done lapped over the top of his pants.





Way to go Margo.  You be hangin' with the Dufus.  Uh, keep your germs to yourself.

Ode To The Flu

My apologies if this post is late I'm contending with something I hate No matter what I've tried to do I can't get rid of this blasted flu
I've aching bones, a pounding head I'd rather just stay in bed My ears are plugged, can't hear a thing Even when the telephone rings
How many boxes of tissues I've used? Countless, my poor nostrils are abused And I blow and blow but all for naught Because I've an endless supply of snot.

Message In A Bottle

We often read fictionalized accounts, or watch poignant movie portrayals, of someone stranded on a desert isle who drops a message in a bottle in the hopes of getting rescued.  Why didn't they think of that on TV's Lost?  They may have gotten off that bloody island by now.  Or on Gilligan's Island. I don't think they ever thought of a simple message in a bottle in the three seasons they were on television.  Three seasons?  It was supposed to be a three hour tour...a three hour tour.  Add on Gilligan's decades of syndication and that little sucker wasn't a clueless bumbling nincompoop for 3 hours or 3 years.  He showed us how dumb he was for close to 30 years.  It also perpetrated the age old question, "Ginger or Mary Ann?"

I wonder if Sting was thinking of Ginger and Mary Ann when he wrote his Message in a Bottle in 1979.  Formed in 1977, The Police were known for the reggae-influence in their music.  This song is from their second album Regatta de B…

Heavy Hitting Caption Contest

Back to sports this week for our captioning perspiration, er, um, inspiration.  Must be the Olympic influence.

So kick this pic around and let's see who can score a winning caption.

And don't forget to rush over to The Screaming Me-Me, where hopefully Mad Mad Margo has gotten over her flu and has one of her funny pics to huddle over.

See you Saturday with the results.

The Most Miserable City in the United States

Poor Cleveland.  Who knew it sucks to be Cleveland?  The Mission Statement from the city's web page states:

We are committed to improving the quality of life in the City of Cleveland  by strengthening our neighborhoods, delivering superior services,  embracing the diversity of our citizens,  and making Cleveland a desirable, safe city in which to live, work, raise a family,  shop, study, play and grow old.
Not the most thrilling look at the future.  It's kind of like they knew there was a thing or two wrong with the old home town.

But the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is there.  Drew Carey is from Cleveland.  Lebron James and Shaq play for their basketball team.  And, my favourite Christmas movie, A Christmas Story, was filmed there.



But apparently none of that's good enough for Forbes.com.  They've conducted a poll that rates Cleveland the most miserable city in the United States.

What were the key things that propelled Cleveland to the top, er, ah, of the bottom?  High unemp…

Sunday Funnies

They Call It Art

I'm out of town tending to some personal business.  Sorry if you were looking for me yesterday.  I've only just got enough time to share with you our winner this week.
I think Tgoette rose to the occasion with his caption of...

Michaelangenlo's David giving a Golden Shower to school children is part of the latest wave in modern cultural expression, followed by  the Mona Lisa taking a dump on a live chicken.


Way to go Tgoette.  You be hangin' with nonamedufus this week!
See everyone next Wednesday for our next Pause, Ponder and Pun.

The Bell

Barry Fraser over at An Explorer's View of Life has cancer.  The members of Theme Thursday are helping him mark a milestone this week.  Regular readers of my blog know about my bout with cancer, my undergoing chemo since October and the radiation and stem cell transplant yet to come.  You can catch up on my ordeal my clicking on the cancer2 label at the bottom of this post.  But Barry is doing his last scheduled chemo treatment this afternoon and when he's done he's going to ring this:


Go to Barry's blog and see what that's all about.

Good luck Barry, and to all those undergoing cancer treatment.  Cancer is an insidious disease and we've got to find a cure.

For a close family member and even closer friend that cure couldn't come soon enough.  She slipped from us earlier this week.  So here's my bell, a last bell if you would, for her...and for her partner and best friend.


A Consoling Poem About Death: Death Is Nothing At AllDeath is nothing at all.
I hav…

Pause Ponder and Pee

I don't know what you'll do with this pic this week.  I'm almost afraid to know.  But we'll be back Saturday with a weiner, er, um, winner.

Good luck and don't forget to whiz over to Mad Mad Margo's The Screaming Me-Me for more captioning craziness.

Milder, Wetter, Flaccider

Well let's see, now.  We started out with a winter Olympics with no snow.  Events on Cypress mountain were seriously in doubt as they trucked in snow from elsewhere.  Too bad Philadelphia or Washington, D.C. didn't win the Olympics.

At Whistler, fog and rain was such a problem that men's downhill skiing was postponed for two days.

In the opening ceremonies, the hydraulics for one of the four indoor cauldrons didn't work - kind of like an internationally-televised version of erectile dysfunction.  And speaking of dysfunction, what was that 15 minute Wayne Gretzky ride in the back of a pick-up all about?



The talk at the Richmond Skating Oval is all about the "fair" quality of the ice because the facility is at sea-level.

And, of course - and sadly - a Georgian slider lost his life in a luge practice run.

Boy these Olympics got off to an auspicious start.

But observers seem to have looked past these adversities as athletes push swifter, higher, stronger in their…

Sometimes Packages Can Be Deceiving

Okay.  We had the guy with the explosive underwear, remember?  Remember?  Yeah, you know, the guy they asked "Is that a bomb in your pants or are you just glad to see me?"

Well, get this.  Men in Britain can downgrade that bomb but still be able to beef up their briefs.

Excuse me?

A British department store group called Debenhams was selling a very unique pair of men's underwear online.  And as Valentine's Day approached last week sales shot up 76 per cent.

You might say these are underpants that enhance, if you get my drift.  They're sure to get a rise between the thighs and a reaction from your girl...up to a certain point.

The underwear are advertised as "anatomy-boosting".  Uh-huh.  They work the same way as a woman's cleavage-enhancing Wonderbra in that they use a "lift and hold" feature in the front.


Who would have thought?  Package-enhancing underwear for men.

The department store stands behind its product...as long as they're w…

Sunday Funnies

That's Why They Call It A Contact Sport

Well, plenty of folks attempted to convert their comment into a funny caption.  We had some great lines this week.  Here are a few honourable mentions...

Renal Failure kicked things off with...

After years of ridicule Fred Crotchblaster's day of glory had finally come.

C booted a long one with...

Regret at the idea of rushing the kicker was the SECOND strongest feeling Jimmy experienced that day.

And Whitey converted with...

Everything's bigger in Texas, usually because of the swelling.

But guess who got the three-pointer?  Mooooog's back with another win this week with...

At the very last second Jimmy decides to go for two.




Way to go Moooooog.  You be hanging with Dufus!!!  Congratulations, dude.

On The Road To International Ingenuity

I came across two headlines side-by-each on an internet website this week that gave me pause.  The first went like this:

Toyota recalls 437,000 Prius hybrids, globally
And the second told me:

Iran starts processing nuclear fuel towards weapons-grade strength
Is there something wrong with this picture?  Japan, so long the darling of the high-tech universe can't seem to make a car that is able to stop.  Between faulty Prius brake pedals and other models' - eight I think - gas pedals that keep going, a Toyota is about as popular as watching golf without Tiger Woods.



Meanwhile, a middle-eastern backwater headed by a guy called Mahmoud Iamanutjob, announced this week it had begun manufacturing a higher grade of enriched uranium.  Why?  Oh, gee, I dunno.  WMDs?  Where's George Bush when you need him?

So the question is: if underdeveloped Iran's on the road to nuclear weapons why can't high-tech Japan build a car that'll at least stay on the road?

Here's another one…

The Not-So Magic Mirror

What's something most of us do each morning after we've rolled out of bed?  Ok, before we get too far ahead of ourselves with our morning ablutions I'll tell you.

We look in the mirror.  We look in the mirror as we brush our teeth, wash our face, comb our hair, as women put on their make up and God knows what else as men wait patiently for them to finish.  The mirror is an important part of our day.

Are you gonna be much longer?
We jump in the car and look in the rear-view mirror as we back out of the driveway, hopefully, and the side-view mirrors as we join the morning commute.  Again, hopefully.

If we work for CSI 1, 2 or 3 or NCIS 1 or 2, or any other TV cop show, we use a two-way mirror to observe colleagues sweat the truth out of their suspects.

Mirrors are everywhere.  From a dental instrument to a space telescope.

My first introduction to mirrors was as a kid growing up in Toronto.  Everyday I'd watch the American feed of Romper Room beaming to my TV antenna from…

Pause Ponder and Pun

I know they drafted him as a place kicker but I guess they didn't tell him which place to kick.  Okay, that's my effort.  What's yours?

Give it a go and we'll see you back here Saturday with our honourable mentions and a winner.

In between time, why don't you drift on over to Margo at the Screaming Me-Me.  She's an upright kinda gal and always has a great pic to take a kick at.

Good luck!

This Guy Got A Bang Out Of Smoking

I've been smoke free for about 15 years now.  That's some accomplishment.  I began smoking when I was barely out of knee-pants.  At 13, my father - a several pack-a-day man - philosopher that he was, told me he'd give me his permission but not his approval.  Good enough for me.  A 30-year habit was born.

There were many times I attempted to snuff out the dreaded weed.  Cold turkey, gum, patches - you name it, I tried it.  Once I quit for a year, only to start again at a party.  Stupid.  And expensive.  And in my teens I recall emptying out the ashtrays after a party and grinding the hard, stale tobacco into a pipe bowl to smoke because I'd run out of cigarettes.  Oddly, that didn't make me quit.  It just made me go out and buy a pack of smokes.

Well, I tell you maybe I would have quit if something like this had happened to me.

Some poor guy in Indonesia, where men apparently light up cigarettes more often than their libido (60% of Indonesian men smoke), got a big…

Who Was That Masked Man?

My cancer treatment was stepped up somewhat last week when I visited the hospital for a scan.  The scan is one of several in preparation for radiation therapy or,  to be precise, what's called tomo therapy.  This is pretty leading-edge stuff.  It was developed at City of Hope Hospital in California and has only been performed for several years.  My hospital is the only one in Canada doing this therapy and according to my doctors I am only the second person in the country to undergo such treatment.  Heady stuff.

My dear wife drove me to the hospital for the scan.  I changed into a hospital gown and waited for them to call me.  In the scan room I met about 5 different technicians, including a student technician.  The procedure was explained to me by one of the technicians.  The first thing they would do would take a mould of my body, from head to toe.  The idea is to develop the mould so I won't move when the radiation is precisely targeted at my body.  They use two canvas-like …

Sunday Funnies

My What Big Breaths

We had a lot of entries, as it were, this week.  Again it was hard to pick a winner.  Let's start with those that got a rise out of our judges in terms of an honourable mention:

Moooooog came through with...

Johnny suffered from the extremely rare and fatal condition known as BlowupPenisitis.

Renal Failure provided some stiff competition with...

The ramifications of the teddy bear shortage of 2010  will not be known for some time.

Tgoette blew the competition away with...

Vern Troyer on the set of "Mini-Me: Revenge of the Tripod"

But it was Whitey who stuck it to everyone with...




I thought you said to put another shrimp on the Barbie

Congrats, Whitey!  You be hangin' with Dufus!!!



Don't Turn Around, You're Being Followed

Easy, easy, yes you're seeing double.  On Sunday, although I didn't learn till Tuesday, bloggin' buddy Cat Lady bestowed the Best Follower Award upon nonamedufus.  On Tuesday, wouldn't you know another bloggin' buddy - Quirkyloon - awarded me the same psuedo pstatuette.  Now either this means they really admire me, my blog and the comments I leave on their posts OR our bloggin' circle of influence is seriously shrinking.  I prefer to believe the former regardless of how true the latter might tend to be.

So thanks, guys, that was really nice of you and I deeply appreciate it.  Imagine, not one but two of the same awards in the same week.

What?  The questions?  What questions?  To paraphrase my favourite movie line, from Treasure of the Sierra Madre, "I don't have to show you any stinkin' questions".  Oh...I do?  I was actually hoping you guys would forget.  Hell I had to answer less questions on my last tax form last year.  Okay, okay, well yo…