Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from August, 2010

Dufus On TV

What is it with TV these days? A couple of years ago I switched from cable to satellite TV. Every channel in the universe was at my command, or at least at my remote control (see that play on words, there? If I'm in control, how can I be remote? Ha!)

But so what? There's still nothing on. Especially now - between summer's end and the beginning of the new television season which apparently stretches anywhere from mid September to well into October.  I've already seen every repeat of Two And-A-Half men...at least three times.  And if I have to watch one more edition of House Hunters on HGTV I'm gonna not only lose control but throw it at my television screen.

To paraphrase a rock group from my generation (another play on words!) The Who, it's a tee-vee wasteland.

So as I wait for the return of my favourites like House, Heroes, Flash Forward, Two And-A-Half Men and NFL Football *grunts, snorts, farts* what's a boy to do?

Well, funny you should ask. Oh, yeah, …

I'm an Idiom Idiot

Call them fractured phrases, silly sayings or idiot idioms. Whatever you call them I had fun thinking them up. I hope you have some fun reading them.


a kettle of fish out of water
a stitch in time saves is a penny earned
roses are red, violets are blue moon, you saw me standing alone
a fool and his money that's what I want
how does it feel to be on your own like a rolling stone gathers no moss
you only live once upon a time in the west
if you love somebody set them free as a bird now, and this bird you'll never change
absence makes the heart of my heart, I love that melody
it ain't over till the fat lady sings went the strings of my heart
we'll cross that bridge over troubled water I will lay me down
a fool at 40 is a fool if you think it's over
a long row to ho, ho, ho Merry Christmas
a watched pot never boil, boil, toil and trouble
about face the music
ace in the hole in one
Achille's heel, boy, heel
Adam's apple of my eye
age before beauty and the beast
leader of the pack…

Sunday Funnies

Pause Ponder and Perambulate

One day while I was out for my daily perambulation, I took a wrong "turn". Well I was fit to be "tied" when I discovered I'd gotten off on the wrong "track". I was lost and finding my way back is something I'd never been "train"-ed to do. But enough about me. This contest is about you...and your comments.  Some interesting captions this week - from the cerebral to the comic. From the sub-"line" to the ridiculous. Judge for yourself...

00dozo chugged in with:

"Now where did I put that penny?"

00dozo was smoking with a second caption:

"I think I can, I think I can..."

LOTGK had me going off the rails with:

Arlo Guthrie as a young child.

Blogless ba_hutch tied the other honourable mentions with:

This is obviously a photo of Adam West from his screen test for Batman.


And Ziva steamed into the station with:

The original teaser for the movie Trainspotting.

But my favourite this week comes from KABLOOEY who really had me …

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

Where did the summer go? Another week and it'll be Labour Day weekend and for most parents that means their little monsters munchkins will be headed back to those hallowed halls of higher learning.  A few years back Staples ran a commercial that really made me laugh. It still gives me a chuckle. Watch the different moods of the father compared to his kids - and the soundtrack is the topper...




Yep, for parents it's the most wonderful time of the year. Here's a few editorial cartoons on the same subject that hopefully you'll also get a chuckle out of.

All Things Being Equal...

But they aren't, are they. If they were, then why did W.C. Fields want to rather be in Philadelphia?

A-ha. You see. All things aren't equal.

It's like the difference between a Russian Lada and an American Cadillac.  Sure they're both cars. But they're very different.

How about Hellman's mayonaise and Nuttella. They're both bread spreads. But I don't think I'd use the latter to mix my tuna salad.

And what about music? Are Justine Bieber and the Rolling Stones equal?

Haircuts. A brush cut vs. low back and sides and just a little off the top?

Movies. Weekend at Bernie's vs. The Godfather?

Television: My Mother The Car vs. How I Met Your Mother? Okay, okay TV might be a gimme. It's all equally bad.

The Smothers Brothers. Ha, that's easy. Mom always liked Dick best.

But my point is we say things are equal, but they really aren't. We like to think things are but we're only fooling ourselves. It took years before women could vote. They…

Pause Ponder and Pun

What the...?

You know I do a considerable amount of research just so I can bring you - my loyal readers - the wackiest and weirdest pictures on the web for you to caption.

This week is no exception. It's way up there on the wacky meter.

You know the drill. See you Saturday.

This Super Hero Has A Certain Appeal

News Anchor: Thank you for joining us this evening. I'm Ann Core. We take you now to Times Square in New York City where our crime reporter Drag Nett is standing by. What have you got for us Drag?

Drag: Thanks Ann.  I''m here with a man dressed all in yellow, who actually looks like a banana. This man just single handedly foiled a bank hold up and turned the robbers over to police. What is your name, sir?

Banana Man: Why, I'm the super hero Banana Man.

Drag: Did you say Banana Man? What kind of a name is that?

Banana Man: Well, my parents gave it to me.

Drag: And who are your parents?

Banana Man: Well, my Mom was Chiquita and my Dad was Monte, Del Monte.

Drag: Do you have any brothers or sisters?

Banana Man: A bunch.

Drag: Do you work on your own?

Banana Man: Sometimes I'll work with my cousin Herb.

Drag: Herb?

Banana Man: Herb Aceous.

Drag: Uh-huh.

Banana Man: Yeah, he needs the bread.

Drag: Bread?

Banana Man: Yeah it's not like they're mutually exclusive…

It's Not Exactly Sweatin' To The Oldies But It's As Close As I'll Get

Since my stem cell transplant in April I've been doing my best to improve my strength. And while my recovery has been fairly quick, I'm not as strong as I'd like to be. From time to time I go for walks around the block. We have a big block. It takes about half-an-hour to get around it. I'll go for a swim in the pool. I'll go shopping with my wife. Wow, I sure get a lot of walking in then. But to be honest, most days the only thing I really exercise is my fingers...on my keyboard.

Writing three blogs and contributing to several others keeps me fairly occupied. My creative process is aided by music. In the morning I'll plop 5 CDs into the CD changer and I'm good to go for at least half a day. Used to be the exercise I got was walking from the family room, through the kitchen to the music room to choose my day's music and then back again.  When my doctor asked me if I was staying active, I'd say "You betcha".  Now though, I keep a stash of 15…

Sunday Funnies

Pause Ponder and Pedal

Well, we had a fine crop of captions this week considering we're in the hazy, lazy days of summer.

For example, Georgina Dollfacewheeled in with:

When I take these back for the deposit, maybe I'll have enough to finally get a bell for my bicycle.

And Tgoettespoke truth to power with:

Hearts raced with glee every time the whiskey man would ride through the village, selling his bottles of liquid joy to the young Irish lads.

And we never tire of Moooooog's captions who this week gave us:

Luckily for us, this picture was taken from the front - otherwise we'd see where Jimmy put the other bottle of wine he was carrying.

Renal Failure, never shy to pedal his stuff around here, came up with:

Sponsor of the new DrinkStrong bracelet.

But it was Cat Lady "Boom-Boom" Larew who rode in at the 11th hour with our winner:

Dufus returns from his hiatus... and we're given a clue as to what he's been up to for the past several weeks.



Well, yeah, I know she mentioned me in h…

Weapons Of Ass Destruction

So, like, I'm surfing the web-thingy yesterday in search of an idea for today's post and I stumble across the hot sauce emporium of the internet - "since 1995" - a place called Hot Sauce.com.

Now, me, I'm a Tobasco sauce kinda guy. Not overly adventurous but I like to spice things up a little from time to time.  But about as fas as I'll go is maybe the extra spicy salsa with my nachos. And even at that there better be a glass of water or better yet a Corona nearby to counter the effects.

But I'm probably a 5 on the hot sauce scale of 100. Now the internet emporium of hot sauces on the other hand would seem to start at 50 and with a choice of over 120 different sauces quickly make their way to 100.  They call their customers chili heads, appropriately enough, and promise to take their taste buds to a whole new heat level. It's funny though a lot of people's taste buds appear to be up their rectum. You wouldn't believe the number of sauces wit…

A Brush With Fame

M-I-C...see you real soon
K-E-Y...why? because we like you!
M-O-U-S-E.
Ah, the days of the Mickey Mouse Club.  Of course I didn't watch it for the songs or the cartoons.  My main attraction were Annette Funicello's breasts.  Annette went on to be a recording star and actress.  She played in such dark psychological thrillers as The Shaggy Dog and Beach Blanket Bingo.



What you may not know is, at the time, Jimmie, the Mickey Mouse Club host was a star in his own right.  He'd starred in countless films in the 40s and 50s, often uncredited.



And he wrote the theme song for the show.  You know...

Who's the leader of the club That's made for you and me M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E Hey! there, Hi! there, Ho! there You're as welcome as can be M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E

And the closing theme, as well.  But that's not all. Jimmie Dodd rose to even greater fame as Bucky Beaver. Who was Bucky Beaver? Just the best-known marketing icon and musical mascot of all of 50s televisions, that'…

Pause Ponder and Pun

I've heard of one for the road but this is ridiculous.

What about you?

Got a caption?

Leave as many as you like in the comments and come Saturday we'll see who emerges with the funniest description.

Join the growing number of that select group of folks who can say, "I Be Hangin' With Nonamedufus!"

American Idle

In the doldrums of summer there’s nothing better to keep an idle American interested in American Idol (see what I just did there?) than to leak stories about the coming season’s panel of judges.  After the Ellen experiment exploded (oooh, nice alliteration) in the executive producers’ faces things looked about as bleak as Kara DioGuardi’s next paycheck. (Who?) But now, Idolettes, word comes of a truly unique pairing of pop music people to join Randy Jackson (who?) on the judges’ dais. The first is Aerosmith lead singer Steven “Living On The Edge” Tyler who himself let it slip he’d been pegged to replace Simon Cowell. Um, these ears are gettin’ old. Can you crank it down a notch? Next up is Jennifer “I was Ben Afleck’s main squeeze but then I married Marc Anthony” Lopez.  Nice pair.  Hey! I mean the pair of J.Lo and Tyler. Woah! Is that thing for real? If J.Lo and Tyler are the best they can come up with, then what are the producers thinking?  And they haven’t even gotten the three judges to…

Did Ya Miss Me?

Woah, what gives?

Well, I'm back after a three-week blogcation and just felt the need for a bit of a change.  My last blog background had a mountain in it.  So I thought (I do that from time to time), hey, I'm never gonna climb a mountain, and it has nothing to do with the content I write, so ixnay on the mountain, eh!

I'm test-driving a cleaner, simpler approach.  And in keeping with that cleaner, simpler approach I've also done some weeding...of my blog roll.  Check out "dufus denizens" in the right hand column, where I promote my buds' blogs and their content.  And, I created a couple of pages, the buttons for which are up there under the masthead.

But getting back to mountains, I did fly over some while I was away.  Here's a view of the Rockies on a flight from Calgary to Kelowna...


I was actually quite sociable on my break from computerville, or what Mrs. Dufus calls the "unsociable media" (don't get me started).  We visited with …