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Showing posts from October, 2010

Sunday Funnies - Halloween Edition

Pause Ponder and Pistol-Whipped

Well everyone took their best shot this week and a few of you just narrowly missed the target. Here are the guys who made it into my sights this week...
You've got me stumped. Georgina Dollface


The day the Oompa Loompas decided they weren't gonna take Willy Wonka's shit any more. Moooooog


Moooooog's small stature didn't stop him from entering the Thanksgiving turkey shoot. Boom Boom Larew


The Overcompensator fires bullets the size of soda cans and is guaranteed to drown out the haunting memory of everyone in high school laughing at you because you didn't get pubes until you were 17. Renal Failure

But Chris@Knucklehead fired off a winner, and had me choking on my Cheerios with...



And then the little guys got drunk and played a game of Lilliputian Roulette.

Ha, ha, way to go Chris. You be hangin' with dufus! Congratulations my man.

Kudos to all who played along this week. I wish I could publish all the captions 'cause they were all so good. See everyone next Wednesd…

Halloween Haute Couture

Hallow's eve is almost upon us. Have you got your costume yet? You don't know who to go as? Well, this is your lucky day. nonamedufus is happy to share with you some ideas for the costume-challenged among you.
Hugh Laurie
Is there a doctor in the House?
Cut your hair with a straight-edged razor, grow a three-day beard, swipe Uncle Gimpy's cane and don a T-shirt that's been sitting in the laundry for several weeks and you too could trick or treat as Dr. House. Who knows, maybe you too could attract a Dr. Cuddy, voted as having the best breasts in television.
Betty White
Women are from Venus, Betty's from Mars Bars
She's on Saturday Night Live, in every second television commercial, situation comedy and feature film this fall. She's everywhere. And now she could be trick or treating down your block. A white fright wig and an able walker are all you need to be the hit of Halloween this year. The popularity of this character's iffy as she may drop dead at any mom…

Toronto Officer's Rage Bubbles Over

There are pictures making the internet rounds these days in Canada that are at the centre of somewhat of a controversy. And, no I'm not talking about those pics of Brett Favre's junk. No, these are moving pictures.
This summer Canada hosted the G20 in *spits* Toronto. (You have to understand that here in Canada everybody's down on *spits* Toronto. They hate it how *spits* Toronto sees itself as not just the centre of the country but the centre of the friggin' universe.) Now the G20 is itself a lightening bolt of controversy for the amount of taxpayer's money spent on the event, to say nothing of the bill turned in to handle security costs alone of $1 billion.

These gatherings of world leaders have long ceased to attract the world's attention but do succeed in attracting every protesting apparatchik moron with a cause. Anti-war activists, unions, artists, environmentalists, anti-capitalists, students, pro-three-legged dog supporters - you name it, they were there…

Pause Ponder and Pun #57

Pause...

Ponder...

Pun!

See you Saturday.

Driving Miss Pushing Up Daisies

Just when you think you've pretty much seen it all along comes a story that leaves you - in a word - dumbfounded.

I came across an article on msnbc's web site last week that made my jaw drop. Turns out a woman in Costa Mesa, California had been driving around in her car for TEN months with a dead woman in the passenger seat.

Police responded to a complaint that a car was blocking someone's driveway and when they arrived the first thing they noticed was the stench coming from the car. They broke the window to check it out and found the mummified body of a homeless woman - she sure was now - and a box of baking soda, which apparently wasn't masking the smell very well.

The woman who owned the car said she was scared to call police when she discovered the body and that she'd kinda gotten used to the smell.

I don't know. Why the heck would this woman drive around with a dead body in her car?

Did she want to take advantage of family night at the drive in?

This movie …

Keeping Abreast of Victoria Secret

Gentlemen, say hello to Adriana. She's modelling Victoria Secret's Bombshell Fantasy Bra. I think it worked. I'm shell-shocked.

Victoria Secret does this every year. To draw attention to their holiday collection - and they've certainly got my attention - they unveil a multi-million dollar jewel-encrusted over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder.

Ladies, this can be yours for only a cool $2 million. That's a deal. These special puppy catchers have come down in price since Gisele Bundchen (Tom Brady's better half, although my wife thinks his better half is his butt in football pants) bounced on the scene in a Red Hot Fantasy Bra and Panties that went for a cool $15,000,000. Oh, I might just have a picture of that.


But now I wonder just how many women would buy this stuff? It's an awful lot of money to pay for something that's going to be worn under their clothes. Then again, it seems to work for Adriana doesn't it? She doesn't wear it under her clothes.…

Sunday Funnies

Pause Ponder and Police

There were some excellent captions this week and that's...the naked truth! You guys are on a streak in terms of bringing the funny week after week. Let's see if we can wrap this up...

At least he kept his socks on. Renal Failure


I can finally scratch off item #83 from my bucket list...  Tomorrow item #91 "wake up in jail" can also be scratched out! Miss Nicki


The officers misunderstood when Jonathan said he was hung like a battering ram. Boom Boom Larew


The man in the black jacket walking behind thinking:  "I wonder if he's had a Brazilian wax lately, so smooth and tight." Quirkyloon


But I kinda got carried away with the caption from newcomer Skeeter over at Dead Dog...

New mascot - FAIL!
Okay Skeeter, way to go guy. You be hangin' with the dufus! Pretty exciting stuff, huh? Here's your badge. Hey these two pictures are kinda similar. Well...at least I kept MY clothes on.
Thanks everyone for playing along this week. See you Wednesday for our next Pause Ponder…

The Bloggerhood Of The Traveling Book Revisited

Okay, so listen up. Three weeks ago I told you how I came by the book The Girl Who Played With Fire. Well, actually, if you clicked on the link you'll see I sang it to you. Wait, wait, wait, I'm not gonna sing again.

I'm quite proud of myself. I had really slipped in my reading and there are books piling up around here. They make for expensive doorstoppers. But since I spoke on this subject with you last, I've read three books. I was reading The Given Day by Dennis Lehane, author of Mystic River and Shutter Island. It was tough slogging, but an excellent read. But when Cat Lady - oh to hell with formalities - Boom Boom Larew chose me as the next blogger of the Bloggerhood of the Traveling Book, not only did I have to zip through Lehane but I had to buy the Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, the first in this trilogy, in order prepare myself for book II.

Well, three weeks later I'm happy to say I've read all three books and am now anxious to read the third in the Sti…

Say What? #4

Every once in a while I'll share with folks "verification" words I find mildly amusing. You know those words that some bloggers use to avoid spambots and ensure you're a real person leaving a comment. If you're interested in the history of this endeavour and in previous dufus definitions just click on the label below. Ready? Here we go...
God's angel inventory

Uncle Sayo's wife

A guy really into cars

Bo knows sports...and this is what he does with deodorant


Moms I'd like to learn something from (oh yeah like you can do better)

What you ask when you phone your friend whabil and his mother answers.

Pause Ponder and Pun #56

OK.

You know what to do.

Leave your captions.

I'll do my best to strip them down to a winning entry Saturday.

In The Lap Of Luxury

Boy talk about good fortune falling into your lap...literally.



Some guy in Palm Beach Florida was out for an evening with the boys at a strip club. He ordered a lap dance. One thing led to another and he got the heel of the woman's shoe in his eye. He sued. He's been awarded $650,000!

You've got to ask yourself a couple of questions. First up, how does a guy getting a lap dance get a shoe in the eye?

Hmmm.

A table dance, maybe.

Hmmm.

It must have been a pretty elaborate lap dance. Usually guys have their eyes elsewhere, other than the lady's feet.

Hmmm.

So, like, maybe the guy didn't like lap dances and was standing on his head to see if it'd help if he looked at things from a different angle.  

Hmmm.

Do you think she'd bump and grind her heel into his eye?

Hmmm.

How was it he came into contact with the sole (pun intended) article of clothing this woman was probably wearing.

Hmmm.

Maybe the guy told the stripper "I've got my eye on you".

Hmmm.

Abbas Threatens Success Of Mid-East Peace Talks

Nothing Else Can Save Them SOS


by nonamedufus
SIRTE, LIBYA (nonamedufusnews) - The Palestinians, backed by Arab powers say they will withdraw from the latest round of middle east peace talks if Abbas is allowed to reform.

It would appear Arab diplomats are taking a hard line having heard rumours that the Swedish pop quartet might be getting back together. "Mama Mia" said Philip J. Supertrooper, U.S. assistant secretary of state for public affairs. "We will continue to work with the parties to advance negotiations. That's the name of the game here."

Threat to mid-east peace and music lovers everywhere
But the American attempt at diplomacy had little impact on Arab diplomats. "Listen, our Abbas has been around a lot longer than those shitty Swedish songsters" said the other Abbas spokesman Nabil Abu Dancingqueen.

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu couldn't bring himself to agree with the Palestinian position. "Knowing me, knowing you" h…

Sunday Funnies