Skip to main content

Doggone You Computer



Shocking news out there this week. Computers have replaced dogs as man's best friend. A recent poll by YouGov has discovered almost two thirds - or 67% - of us consider our computers as a more constant companion than a dog.

How can this be?

Does a computer come running when you say "Here, boy!"

Does a computer run after a stick or a frisbee when you throw it?

Does a computer hang it's head out the window when you take it for a ride in the car?

Does a computer lick your face?

Does a computer run aimlessly around in circles when you get it's leash to take it for a walk?

If you said "yes" to any of the above questions then you're one sick puppy. A-ha! You see. "One sick PC" just doesn't work there does it.

And what about some of the wonderful characters portrayed by dogs? Lassie, for example. Timmy could hardly say "I've fallen down a well. Go get help PC."

Goofy, Precious Pup and Huckleberry Hound must be rolling in their dog graves. Not to mention Old Yeller, Rin Tin Tin, Bullet the Wonder Dog and here in Canada the Littlest Hobo.

And what of famous quotes about dogs. Look waht happens when you substitute "computer" for "dog" when you say things like:

If your computer is fat you aren' t getting enough exercise.

Some days you're the computer; some days you're the hydrant.

In computer years I'm dead.

Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the computer did it.

Outside of a computer a book is man's best friend. Inside of a computer it's too dark to read.

You see, it just doesn't work.

There is an upside to all this, I'll reluctantly admit.

At least you don't have to clean up messes left by your computer.

You'll save a fortune on kibble.

And a computer will never sniff your crotch.





Comments

Nicky said…
A computer will also never hump your leg. Or hump your guests' legs. Or make you go for a walk when it's minus 35 degrees outside. Or shed its fur. Or knock you over when excited.

I am so not a dog person. I am, however, very much a computer person. So what if it can't save Timmy from the well? I'm sure somebody would have found him. Eventually.
nonamedufus said…
Timmy's in good hands. That's why there's Google Maps.
quirkyloon said…
Ruff! However, I must bring up one salient point. If one does fall down a well, one can shoot off an email for help. Or the fact that your cyber friends start to miss you and will send a posse your way to find you.

And computers never fart.

Just ruffin'.

HA!
Junebug said…
My computer does not weigh 70 pounds nor do I wake up with it sleeping on me.
It, also, does not rub its butt across my floor.
However, I would gladly give up my laptop for my dogs any day of the week.
nonamedufus said…
Computers don't fart? I have a laptop and from time to time something odorous escapes from underneath it. Or is that just me. Hey, yeah, it is just me. Hahahahahahaha.
nonamedufus said…
If you gave up your laptop for your dogs where would you put your printer?
Laughingmom said…
I will take dog over computer any day even though all 12 pounds of him farts and snores like a 250 pound man!
nonamedufus said…
And you don't get unwanted spam from a dog! Ringworm maybe, but no spam.
redheadranting said…
My dog doesn't chase frisbees, he refuses to stick his head out the window, and when we pull out the leash he thinks we are going to vet so he hides in the shower. I think he's a cat. However, I would take my stupid, seriously confused canine over my pc if I had to make a choice. Thankfully I don't.

That said, my pc doesn't shake, whimper and whine every time there is a thunder storm and it doesn't climb in my bed when it thinks I'm asleep and won't kick it off.
redheadranting said…
If you had the software that blind people use you could call out to the computer to get you out of the well.
Shawn said…
The dog fetches my newspaper. My computer gets me everything else. I am figuring a dog gets fixed once. I have to keep fixing my computer though.
nonamedufus said…
I'm still back at the computer not humping your leg. I must be doing it wrong.
nonamedufus said…
Jen, I think you have a cat.
nonamedufus said…
True enough if you don't have a Mac. (You know you can read newspapers on line now? Maybe the dog could fetch your computer.)
Linda Medrano said…
My dogs are more fun than my computer. And they are better for me too.
nonamedufus said…
That's good Linda. I was never a big fan of LOL Cats.
Melissa Hicks said…
Your computer will never sniff anyone else's crotch ever. Password protection is the best metaphorical chastity belt ever.
nonamedufus said…
If there's one thing I'd hate it'd be an unfaithful computer.
inbed said…
the dog in the photo looks like he's definitely doing important work. look at his intent expression. no, he's not just mucking about on facebook.

visiting via studio 30, following now.

jill
http://inbedwithmarriedwomen.blogspot.com
nonamedufus said…
Dogs don't go on Facebook. They go on Buttbook. Welcome to my blog IBWMW. Any friend of Studio 30 is a friend of mine.

Popular posts from this blog

My Back Pages - November

I read five books last month bringing my year to date total to 61, well past the 50 I estimated at the beginning of the year. And I've yet to get through December.

The month started out with The Nix, the debut novel by Nathan Hill which has been receiving a lot off positive reviews. In it Hill flips back and fourth from the 1968 Chicago protests and 2011 in a desperate search for the truth behind why his mother abandoned him at an early age. In between Hill takes on politics, the media and addiction as well as other aspects of society. It's a well-spun tale and I quite enjoyed reading it.

Next up was the auto-biographical I Am Brian Wilson of Beach Boys fame. This was somewhat of a scattered affair but an interesting read nonetheless. Wilson - or his ghostwriter - however is no Hemingway.

Then it was on to one of my favourite authors, Ian Rankin and his latest tale of now retired Inspector John Rebus, Rather Be The Devil. I never tire of these stories and this is the 21st in …

Traveling Along Singing A Song

Pete and Paulie were strolling along one day. The sun was bright, the air was cool, the birds chirped crazily in the trees and the squirrels  munched merrily on their nuts. Well not their nuts exactly. Nuts they found on the ground and in the gardens in the park.

Paulie felt so good he began to whistle. It wasn't any tune in particular, just one of those annoyingly tuneless whistles that wandered all over the place. Pete looked at Paulie and he squiggled up his nose and he said "What the hell is that?" Paulie replied "Oh nothing in particular. I'm just happy." "But you're not even whistling a tune" said Pete. Paulie replied "If you're so wise I'd like to see you do better, Pete."

Pete went silent for a moment and seemed to mumble to himself for a moment or two. Then he cleared his throat with a little cough, he opened his mouth and he began to sing.


"There once was a king very wise
Who spoke to his enemies in disguise
T…

My Back Pages - 2016

Here, as promised is a month-by-month breakdown of the 67 books I delved into this year. I got off to a strong start and then my intake dwindled for a couple of months until picking back up in April. I'll let you in on my favourites at the end of this list.

January

Here, There and Everywhere:
My Life Recording the Music of the Beatles - Geoff Emerick - ****
H is for Hawk - Helen Macdonald - ***
Close To The Edge - The Story of Yes - Chris Welch - ***
Sweet Caress - William Boyd - ****


February

Purity by Jonathan Franzen 
Still Alice by Lisa Genova.


March

Natchez Burning - Greg Iles
The Promise (Elvis Cole #20) - Robert Crais

April

The Snowman (Harry Hole)- Joe Nesbo ****
Phantom (Harry Hole) - Joe Nesbo ****
The Leopard (Harry Hole) - Jo Nesbo ****


May

George Harrison Reconsidered ***
The Heart Goes Last - Margaret Atwood ****
Dropping The Needle - The Vinyl Dialogues Volume II ***
The Electric Mist with the Confederate Dead, (Dave Robicheaux #6) - James Lee Burke****


June/.July

 Lust and Wonder - Aug…