The other day I made a trip to the doctor.
He told me it was time for my annual prostate exam.
Funny guy. He told me to drop my pants and bend over 'cause he was going to give me a moonraker.
"What's that?" I inquired.
He said it had something to do with his goldfinger.
Doctor, "No" I exclaimed.
"Don't worry" he said. "You only live twice."
Later he showed me some x-rays he'd taken just to be on the safe side and he told me "These are for your eyes only."
Well I appreciated that. His clandestine approach made me think of him as a spy who loved me.
Later he checked my eyesight. You know, where you cover one eye and read letters on a chart on the wall. My left eye was a little off. But he told me my right was a golden eye.
To check my reflexes he snuck up behind me and yelled "Boo". I tell you he scared the living daylights out of me.
When he, you know, grabbed on to my family jewels and asked me to turn my head and cough he noticed one testicle appeared to be swollen. "What's with the thunderball?" he asked.
"Oh, it may be I've been getting a little too much octopussy" I replied.
He's really such a nice guy and I asked him about his bedside manner. "Oh, live and let die I always say" he said.
It kind of made me feel all warm and fuzzy, kinda like a quantum of solace, you know?
The other thing I did of course was have him take blood and urine samples. The secret to the latter of course is to have good aim when you pee in the bottle. The lab guys want it shaken, not stirred.
Anyway, I'll have to die another day, 'cause my physical came out fine.