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Dufus, Noname Dufus

The other day I made a trip to the doctor.

He told me it was time for my annual prostate exam.

Funny guy. He told me to drop my pants and bend over 'cause he was going to give me a moonraker.

"What's that?" I inquired.

He said it had something to do with his goldfinger.

Doctor, "No" I exclaimed.

"Don't worry" he said. "You only live twice."

Later he showed me some x-rays he'd taken just to be on the safe side and he told me "These are for your eyes only."

Well I appreciated that. His clandestine approach made me think of him as a spy who loved me.

Later he checked my eyesight. You know, where you cover one eye and read letters on a chart on the wall. My left eye was a little off. But he told me my right was a golden eye.

To check my reflexes he snuck up behind me and yelled "Boo". I tell you he scared the living daylights out of me.

When he, you know, grabbed on to my family jewels and asked me to turn my head and cough he noticed one testicle appeared to be swollen. "What's with the thunderball?" he asked.

"Oh, it may be I've been getting a little too much octopussy" I replied.

He's really such a nice guy and I asked him about his bedside manner. "Oh, live and let die I always say" he said.

It kind of made me feel all warm and fuzzy, kinda like a quantum of solace, you know?

The other thing I did of course was have him take blood and urine samples. The secret to the latter of course is to have good aim when you pee in the bottle. The lab guys want it shaken, not stirred.

Anyway, I'll have to die another day, 'cause my physical came out fine.


I laughed so much, I banged my head on the inside of my coffin lid. Don't do that to a girl when she is sleeping.
redheadranting said…
Brilliant! Who knew going to the doctor could be so exciting. Sorry I don't have any reference to 007 but I haven't seen one of those movies since Roger Moore was in them.
This one: I have no words for. Well, I do and just did, but that was it...well, okay this one: Wow. But in a good way.
quirkyloon said…
Ay, yi, yi! However, I'm glad all is well.

Why do I feel the need for some Listerine right now?

hee hee
00dozo said…
Well, you had my 'jaws' flapping in laughter with this one.

nonamedufus said…
First of all how do you read when you're sleeping? And second, how can you see in there when it's so dark? You know I've never seen a vampire in a James Bond movie. About time they had one, don't you think?
nonamedufus said…
Pretty hard to follow since then. After all he was only the second Bond. I still love Sean Connery in the role, and the way he dead-panned those one-liners.
nonamedufus said…
Just think of where I'd have been if I had no words for this one.
nonamedufus said…
I don't know. Didn't you brush your teeth this morning?
nonamedufus said…
Oh, Jaws. Yeah, I forgot about him. I loved how he was the bad guy in the Spy Who loved me and then turned into a good guy in Moonraker.
SP said…
Glad to know you still got your balls.... I doubt JB has any left!
Cheryl P. said…
At least your weren't a Pussy Galore about getting the exam.
nonamedufus said…
My balls are still intact and in working order. But that's probably too much information.
nonamedufus said…
No but I can identify with Arsula Undress.
00dozo said…
Yeah, he went from one odd job to another.

nonamedufus said…
Oh, man. And I thought I had to get out more! I feld that Blo.
00dozo said…
Tee Hee!

Linda Medrano said…
Well then, it looks like you are still The Man With The Golden Gun.
Boom Boom Larew said…
Tomorrow never dies when you have a doctor's appointment to look forward to.
nonamedufus said…
I couldn't have said it better myself. Hey, wasn't Boom Boom a Bond chick? Could've sworn.
Henry Stone said…
James Bond apparently had no problems in the testosterone department,
but most of us mere mortals do at one time or another, so it's vital that we call on our "sawbones" once a year for a prostate exam. Your take on this exam is hilarious and you deserve recognition for bringing it up, and none the least for making it funny. So, I'm awarding you the coveted(?) and rarely awarded(?) Count Sneaky Bronze Award For Whatever...Enjoy.
My best.
nonamedufus said…
Cool. Thanks a bunch. Is there like a pic of this award. Glad you enjoyed the post AND saw the serious side too.
nonamedufus said…
I'm not gonna touch that one.

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