Friday, 31 May 2013

Photo Blogging Challenge - May

The prompt this month was night. I pocketed my trusty iPhone camera and headed off into the darkness. I didn't have to go far. The first thing I came across were the lamps on our deck. Almost tripped right over them. Maybe it was the couple of pints of Corona.

Next was the car in the driveway. This was too easy.

A week or so later we went out for dinner to one of our favourite weekly spots, Hino's in Ottawa. Terry Hino does Japanese and when we go we sit at the bar overlooking the kitchen and chat with chef Terry. This is the view across the street from Hino's at dusk...

It rained on our way home as we crossed the Champlain Bridge over the Ottawa River back to the Quebec side...

I'm looking pretty calm despite the fact Mrs D was driving don't you think?

Maybe it was the couple of pints of Sapporo with dinner.

Make your way over to Challenge co-ordinator P.J.'s blog and see what other folks have come up with today/tonight. Cheers.

Tuesday, 28 May 2013

Love Hurts

Every once in awhile I'll troll the gossip and weird news sites. I find they're often good for a laugh. For instance, I see Germany won't give Justin Bieber his monkey back. Well, geez, the guy should have known enough to keep it in his pants. Yeah, okay, I made that last part up. Sorry. I didn't mean to stiff ya. They were talking about a real monkey.

Speaking of which, there was a story recently about a guy from Sweden who died after he decided to stick his penis into a hornet's nest. Sad to say, it turns out the story was a hoax, though. I say "sad" because this was quite the story. The guy reportedly had 146 wasp stings on his body, 46 of which were on his manhood. The coroner speculated the guy had sex with the nest which triggered the rage of the flying, stinging pests.

Now if this story were true would you stop and ask yourself, "hell, what the heck was this guy thinking?" Was he thinking "Hey, I think I'll pleasure myself with this here hornet's nest". Pleasure myself? Far from it. I mean the guy had to go through some sort of thought process about thrusting the most sensitive part of his body into the weirdest orifice this side of the north end of a sheep going south.

And imagine the impact (pun intended) on the hornets. Sitting there quietly in their nest doing hornet things when all of a sudden...

Oh, yeah, geez I can just imagine the guy forcing himself on a nest of angry wasps who didn't want to have sex. Boy they sure showed him. Imagine that happening in the bedroom. That'd really put a guy in his place. "Not tonight dear, I've got 146 hornets in my nest." "Oh, sure, honey. I get the picture."

I wonder if the guy thought to wear a condom. You know, for PROTECTION! Although I don't know if latex would have done the job and prevented 46 hornet stings to his, um, nest invader.

And you'd think the guy would have known that males having sex with hornets die shortly after mating. Die happy, I suppose, but die nevertheless. Well, male hornets anyway. Maybe he wanted to see if the same held true for humans.

Or maybe the guy was just hard of hearing. When someone told him to watch out for the hornets nest he must have thought they told him to watch for the horny nest. I mean how can any man say no to that?

There really is no other explanation. Is there?

Boy, I've heard love hurts but this is ridiculous.

Tuesday, 21 May 2013

I'm Mad As Hell

Did you ever feel like you're living in a movie? I do. Except the character I play has no control over events. The perfect movie to describe my anxiety would be Network. And I, of course, am news anchor Howard Beale. You know the guy. He's the one in that biting Paddy Chayefsky-scribed dialogue who famously exhorts his viewers:
"...I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, stick your head out, and yell, "I'M MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE..."  
Oh, if only yelling this from my window would have some effect. Why, you ask, am I so possessed? You didn't ask? Never mind, I'm gonna tell you anyway. You're welcome.

The Canadian government, the one I didn't vote for, has turned me over and given it to me up the whazoo. Well, figuratively speaking, of course. And not just once, but over and over again.

It wasn't bad enough that for the last two years I've been bombarded by those cacophonous television ads for Canada's so-called economic action plan when I try to watch everything from a hockey game to the Food Channel. Yeah, the government's so far spent over $26 million telling me what a great job it's doing. Oh, they think so, eh?

What about their de-invenstment in scientific research in this country? And muzzling the federal scientists who still have jobs? What about their neanderthal approach to global warming? What about their ramped-up involvement in international conflicts? What about their ignorance for the environment? And the list goes on to include everything from attack ads to government senators padding their housing allowances to the tune of $90,000.

And if that weren't enough, the Prime Minister's Office has instructed all departments to refer to the government as The Harper Government when they issue news releases. This marks the first time since confederation a government has done such a thing. I guess that's so we Canadians can distinguish a bonehead government from the previous ones.

But the so-called Harper Government is like the gang that couldn't shoot straight. Listen to this. Recently they misplaced $3.1 billion from their terrorism prevention budget. Now there's money well spent. And who knew Canadians were fighting terrorism, anyway?

And they must be worried about how they're being perceived by Canadians. Lately they've taken to e-mailing bureaucrats about Canada's Economic Action Plan and asking them who they're going to vote for in the next election. The e-mail is from the Conservative Party's Executive Director and reads, in part "The Conservative Party of Canada depends on the support and advice of Canadians like you - that's why we're reaching out this year with a series of online surveys".

There are a couple of disturbing aspects of this activity. One, infringing on our privacy by obtaining and using e-mail address lists and, two, asking bureaucrats, who are supposed to be the epitome of impartiality, how they're going to vote.

Recently, a parliamentary committee with a majority of government members decided they were going to undertake a review of Canadian history. If they're going to rewrite it I can tell them where to start - the last two years!

Now, I'd better be careful because in all my ranting I have to remember what eventually happened to Howard Beale in Network. At the end of the movie they shot him. Well, at least he was put out of his misery. I have to put up with this crap for at least two more years!

Tuesday, 14 May 2013

The Eyes Have It

I think I'm going blind. Well, not blind exactly but with advancing age my eyesight is failing. I told my wife and she said I should go the the optometrist. She's pretty smart, eh? Like the brightest pupil in class.

So before things go too far, and I make a spectacle of myself, I'd best make that appointment.

I'm noticing things like seeing the television much better with my glasses off than on. That's not right. I'm sure iris-k severe eye strain.

I notice, too, when I'm driving my vision is blurry. That's not good. Driving like that lense itself to having an accident.

I'm fine with things close up. Like books. I have no problem at all when I'm reading or on the computer. Or clipping my nails or picking my teeth. When properly framed, things are fine.

And I test myself from time just to make sure. (Boy, that's gotta be the worst one, huh? i-test? hahaha)

But I'm not alone when it comes to certain concerns related to aging.

The other day Mrs D was bemoaning the fact she was growing old. Of course, for me, Mrs D is as lovely today as the day I met her. And I said to her, "Honey, you just get more beautiful everyday."

Oh, sure, thanks" she says, "this from a guy who says he's going blind!"

That Mrs D. She's so damn observant. Well, I tried. I'm phoning the eye doctor today.

This post was pretty cornea?

Wednesday, 8 May 2013

She's Not There

The following musical interlude is brought to you by my mojo.

Well no one told me about it, the way I cried
Well no on told me about it, my brain was fried
But it's too late to say I'm sorry
How would you know, why should you care
I been trying to find my mojo
She's not there

Well let me tell you 'bout the way I rocked
The way I'd act and the puns that were there
My wit was soft and cool
My posts were clear and bright
But they're not there

Well no one told me about it, what could I do
Well no one told me about it, and the air's now blue
But it's too late to say I'm sorry
How would you know, do you really care
I'm still tryin' to find my mojo
She's not there

Well let me tell you 'bout the way I rocked
The way I'd act and the puns that were there
My wit was soft and cool
My posts were clear and bright
But they're not there

But it's too late to say I'm writing
How would you know, do you really care
I'm still tryin to find my mojo
She's not there

Well let me tell you 'bout the way I rocked
The way I'd act and the puns with flair
My wit was soft and cool
My posts were clear and bright
But they're not there

With apologies to the Zombies (Man, I'm friggin' old.) I've included the original song for your enjoyment. And, who knows, maybe my mojo will be there next week.

Thursday, 2 May 2013

Bibliofile - April

I'm slipping. I only got through 12 books in April, nowhere near the 18 I managed in March. But it brings to 41 the total number of books I've read this year.

I'm still on my Private Eye jag and Ken Bruen, Dennis Lehane, Lee Child, Robert Crais and Ross MacDonald contributed towards my fix for the month.

I went off the e-book grid and had to order Crais' Voodoo River from Amazon because it wasn't available in the e-book format. I've also ordered several more Crais books from Amazon just to ensure I continue his series in chronological order. Somewhat annoying they're not available in that format.

My favourite reads this week where Rachel Joyce's The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry and Candlemoth by R.J. Ellory. Neither of these are in the private eye genre. Pilgrimage is an endearing tale of a man of a certain age who hears a former female colleague is dying of cancer and writes her a letter. He goes out to mail it and instead decides to walk the length of Britain to visit her in her hospice. It really is a heart warming story. I urge you to read it.

Candlemoth is by an author recommended by Ken Bruen's central character Jack Taylor. This is the second time I've read one of this character's recommendations. I wasn't disappointed. Ellory tells the tale of a death row inmate accused of murdering his best friend, an African-American who he's been pals with since they were 6 years old. Through flashbacks the reader learns of their enduring friendship against the backdrop of events during the 60s and 70s. It's a simple story but an enjoyable one. I loved this book and highly recommend it.

So here's the full list for April.

Sanctuary - Ken Bruen
The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry - Rachel Joyce
Darkness Take My Hand - Dennis Lehane
The Devil - Ken Bruen
Sacred - Dennis Lehane
Killing Floor - Lee Child
Voodoo River - Robert Crais
Die Trying - Lee Child
Headstone - Ken Bruen
Find a Victim - Ross MacDonald
Candlemoth - R.J. Ellory
Gone Baby Gone - Dennis Lehane

I have to say, I hate it when I get going through a book and all of a sudden I have to stop and charge my iPad's battery. Don't have to do that with a hard cover book!

So what have you guys been reading? I'm always on the lookout for something new and different.
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