Skip to main content

It Ain't Over Till The Deli Lady Puns - A Studio30+ Prompt


Hi. I'm Deli Bacon. I'm not shitting ya, that's my name. You can call me bac, though, all my friends do. Get it? Call me back, return my call, you know. Anyway I work at the Deli at the Big Publix in the centre of town. And that's why they call me Deli. Could be worse. People mighta caledl me Ham Hocks or Pig's Feet or Blood Pudding or... well, you get the idea. So I'm happy to go with Deli.

I'm gonna tell you a little story and you can save your comments 'till the end. Like that great orator Kanye would say "Imma let you finish but.."

The story is about opportunity lost and how one of two brothers dealt with it.

In Balognaville, Kentucky were born to Hammy and his wife Peppi Salami twin sons. Their birth brought considerable joy to their parents and as youngsters they were doted upon. As soon as they could walk Hammy had the boys, Kyle "Basa" Salami and Frank "Furter" Salami, out in the front yard throwing a ball. Not a pigskin mind you. But a cowhide to teach the boys how to catch and hit a baseball. Over the years these two grew to become excellent ball players. Playing competitively as kids, in high school, and on a baseball scholarship at college, Kyle and Frank eventually found themselves playing AAA ball, a step away from the big leagues.

Every year Balognaville held what was known as the Deli-ball. Now that's not a dance at Publix. No, that's when Kyle's team, the Balognaville Coldcuts, played Frank's team the Balognaville Bratwursts at Schnieder's (Canadian pun) field. And every year the community went as crazy as a gyro, over the match involving the cross-town rivals.

Now Frank was a pitcher. And an exceptional one at that. Across the plate, Kyle was his team's top hitter, known to blow up pitchers on the mound faster than you can slice a piece of Cajun-flavoured turkey. Mmm, mmm.

Of course it was inevitable that Kyle would face Frank. And over the course of the game he went up against him several times. Every time Kyle would hit Frank's pitch outta the ballpark (subtle pun alert).

Frank was usually the more positive-minded of the two. He didn't let things get him down. He learned his lessons and positively moved on. But today Frank was so unnerved he started singing to himself. Early in the game he sang Put Me In Coach, that John Fogerty ditty but around the seventh inning-stretch his singing had reached a fevered pitch (no pun intended) where he was singing aloud Take Me Out Of The Ball Game, but he changed up the lyrics a bit, of course, to suit his situation. Too bad he didn't change up his pitches.

The umpire, Mayer, Oscar Mayer, was a bit of a brat. But Frank knew he had nothing to do with the trouncing his team received at the hands of his brother. He had to admit to himself, as he continued to hum at the end of the game, that he was a victim of his own undoing.

As they marched off the field. Kyle turned to his brother and said "Sanguine, Frank?"

His brother looked to the sky, thought for a moment and whispered "Are you kidding? Sang lost."


The prompt this week was sanguine from the folks at Studio30+, which I'm not sure they'll be after they read this.


Comments

Indigo Roth said…
I want to cry. Truly.
nonamedufus said…
That's okay. We all need to rinse our eyes out once in awhile. Think of it as keeping your ducts in a row.
ReformingGeek said…
It's a win-win wiener, right?
nonamedufus said…
Without a bun-t to be found.
ReformingGeek said…
Great. Now I'm bungry...I mean hungry!
nonamedufus said…
I just knew you'd relish that.
ReformingGeek said…
Well, that's just cake...I mean grape... no GREAT. I don't have any and will need to go to the deli.
I'm feeling a little more sanguine after reading that. (I wonder how "Basa" and "Furter" are getting along these days after all the trauma.)
nonamedufus said…
Then you'll have to go back to your house for a home plate.
nonamedufus said…
Well, after a "short-stop" at a local bar they patched things up.
Shawn Ohara said…
I almost didn't read this story. Now that would have been a missed steak.
nonamedufus said…
Strange how my punning brings out the wurst in people.
meleahrebeccah said…
BAHAHHAHHHhAHHHHAHhHAhHAH!!! It's been SO long since I've had the time to read your blog, I almost forgot JUST HOW punny you really are. OMG! ROTFLMAO!!

Popular posts from this blog

My Back Pages - October

Well, folks, I read seven (count 'em) seven books in October. One I didn't finish but even at that I hit the magic number 50 I estimated for myself by the end of the year. The six books I successfully waded through were, firstly, What Happened, Hillary Clinton's book on her bid for the Presidency. I''m a bit of a political junkie so I get off on this stuff but still it kinda struck me as one long whine over losing.
Next up was the excellent Canyon of Dreams: The Magic and Music of Laurel Canyon. Laurel Canyon was the fabled area outside of Los Angeles where many musicians and artists lived. Known as a 60s enclave, the book takes a look at just who lived there over the last 80 years. A fascinating read.
Next up was Lightfoot, a biography of Canadian folk singer Gordon Lightfoot. He may have been responsible for some iconic folk songs but he was also quite the womanizer and boozer. Enough said.
Then I read Dan Brown's new tome Origin, the fifth in the Robert Lan…

Tales From The Supermarket

Bob and Brenda worked in the supermarket. They weren't check-out clerks. And they weren't stock-boys. Brenda sure wasn't. And they weren't employees who worked in the fish section or the deli. No. They were on the shelves.

They hadn't been on the shelves very long but in that short time they'd developed a considerably close friendship.

The chatted all day when the store was busy and at night when the store was closed. They talked about everything. The talked about what raw products they came from. The talked about their manufacturing processes. And they talked about the long routes in semi-trailers that brought them to this store.

Oddly enough the one thing they never made clear to one another was just what product each of them was.

One day when Brenda was commenting on their friendship she told Bob she was grateful for their amity. "Are you Tea?" said Bob, pekoe-ing her way. "I thought I was Tea". You're coffee!"

This week's Tw…