Tuesday, 7 July 2015

It Ain't Over Till The Deli Lady Puns - A Studio30+ Prompt


Hi. I'm Deli Bacon. I'm not shitting ya, that's my name. You can call me bac, though, all my friends do. Get it? Call me back, return my call, you know. Anyway I work at the Deli at the Big Publix in the centre of town. And that's why they call me Deli. Could be worse. People mighta caledl me Ham Hocks or Pig's Feet or Blood Pudding or... well, you get the idea. So I'm happy to go with Deli.

I'm gonna tell you a little story and you can save your comments 'till the end. Like that great orator Kanye would say "Imma let you finish but.."

The story is about opportunity lost and how one of two brothers dealt with it.

In Balognaville, Kentucky were born to Hammy and his wife Peppi Salami twin sons. Their birth brought considerable joy to their parents and as youngsters they were doted upon. As soon as they could walk Hammy had the boys, Kyle "Basa" Salami and Frank "Furter" Salami, out in the front yard throwing a ball. Not a pigskin mind you. But a cowhide to teach the boys how to catch and hit a baseball. Over the years these two grew to become excellent ball players. Playing competitively as kids, in high school, and on a baseball scholarship at college, Kyle and Frank eventually found themselves playing AAA ball, a step away from the big leagues.

Every year Balognaville held what was known as the Deli-ball. Now that's not a dance at Publix. No, that's when Kyle's team, the Balognaville Coldcuts, played Frank's team the Balognaville Bratwursts at Schnieder's (Canadian pun) field. And every year the community went as crazy as a gyro, over the match involving the cross-town rivals.

Now Frank was a pitcher. And an exceptional one at that. Across the plate, Kyle was his team's top hitter, known to blow up pitchers on the mound faster than you can slice a piece of Cajun-flavoured turkey. Mmm, mmm.

Of course it was inevitable that Kyle would face Frank. And over the course of the game he went up against him several times. Every time Kyle would hit Frank's pitch outta the ballpark (subtle pun alert).

Frank was usually the more positive-minded of the two. He didn't let things get him down. He learned his lessons and positively moved on. But today Frank was so unnerved he started singing to himself. Early in the game he sang Put Me In Coach, that John Fogerty ditty but around the seventh inning-stretch his singing had reached a fevered pitch (no pun intended) where he was singing aloud Take Me Out Of The Ball Game, but he changed up the lyrics a bit, of course, to suit his situation. Too bad he didn't change up his pitches.

The umpire, Mayer, Oscar Mayer, was a bit of a brat. But Frank knew he had nothing to do with the trouncing his team received at the hands of his brother. He had to admit to himself, as he continued to hum at the end of the game, that he was a victim of his own undoing.

As they marched off the field. Kyle turned to his brother and said "Sanguine, Frank?"

His brother looked to the sky, thought for a moment and whispered "Are you kidding? Sang lost."


The prompt this week was sanguine from the folks at Studio30+, which I'm not sure they'll be after they read this.


Monday, 6 July 2015

Bibliofile - June 2015



What was with the weather in June? I went fishing in the last week of the month and it must have been one of the coolest last weeks of that month on record. But the weather didn't deter me from reading 6 more books this year and now my total thus far is 40 books.

My pace may have slipped as I've been binge-watching a lot of series on "Crave TV" lately. Things like Carnivale, HAPPYish, The Smoke, and The Fear. All quite good. Where were these series the first time around? Recent movies include This Is Where I Leave You, Still Alice, What Maise Knew and The Good Lie.

DVDs I have in reserve are the Larry Sanders Show, the updated Prisoner series and Sherlock. So lots to get to, too.

Anyway, books...in June.

Did a little catching up with Jack Reacher (One Shot) and Dismas Hardy (The Fall). I like these  detective type novels. In fact a third book was also in this vein, an unlikely novel by Stephen King called Finders Keepers, which is a continuation of his recent Mr Mercedes and is supposed to be followed by a third volume.

I got in two music-themed books this month. One about the Stones I won't even mention other than to say it was by the group's former money man. This is for really, really serious Stones fans. Alas, I don't fall into that category. But the other book about Led Zeppelin was quite good - a well-researched comprehensive history of the group.

The last book was a very humorous look at "hair treatment" that I was asked to read and review. I'm glad I did and my review can be found here.

Here are the 6 books and my ratings.

The Fall - Dismas Hardy #6 ****
Hell Toupee - My Ridiculous Year Wearing a Hair Replacement - Mitch Friedman ****
A Prince Among Stones - Prince Rupert Lowenstein **
When Giants Walked the Earth: A Biography of Led Zeppelin - Mick Wall ****
Finders Keepers (2 of 3 after Mr Mercedes) - Stephen King ****
One Shot - Jack Reacher #9 - Lee Child ****

Let me know what you've been reading or would like to recommend. Until this time next month...
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