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The Name Game

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Baseball's Blue Jays didn't make it to the World Series. They lost their best-of-seven series against the Cleveland Indigenous People. Who? you say. Well, I call them that ever since well-known Canadian Aboriginal activist Douglas Cardinal took them to Ontario court in an effort to prevent them from wearing their "Indians" uniforms and using "Chief Wahoo" as their team logo. I understand Cardinal's sentiments but I don't think teams like the Indians or the Braves or the Kansas City Chiefs for that matter are going to change their names unless it's voluntarily. And I whole-heartedly support a change from such offensive monikers.

I'm not a big baseball fan but when Canada's team gets into the playoffs you gotta cheer. I'm more of a National Football League guy. And the NFL isn't without it's offensive team names. For example, how about the Washington Redskins. The Redskins started out in Boston in 1932 and they've remained the Redskins ever since. Having offended Aboriginal people for so long I think it's time they offended white people and changed their name to the Washington Palefaces. Works for me.

The Bengals, the Colts, the Jaguars, the Dolphins, the Broncos, the Bears, the Lions, the Panthers,the Rams - all animals and not a Cow or an Anteater among them. Well we can always hold out hope for an expansion team, maybe.

Seahawks, Cardinals, Eagles, Falcons, Ravens - five teams with bird names. What is this the Audubon Society or a Football League?

While we're at this name change thing I've often wondered about the Buffalo Bills. Why not the Buffalo Bobs, or Brians or in the interest of equal rights Bettys or Barbaras.

The New England Patriots might consider giving equal time to the Traitors. The Cleveland Browns have a whole rainbow to choose from. I'm kinda partial to the Cleveland Crayolas. That way we don't offend any colour. We offend all of them.

The Cincinnati Bengals could change a few letters around and become the Bagels - the first food team in the NFL.

The New York Giants could take a cue from their Canadian neighbours and add the word Friendly to their name. I'd root for them in my little rocking chair by the fire.

Now when it comes to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers why don't they go all the way and just call themselves the Peg Legs?

And finally when it comes to the Dallas Cowboys, maybe it's time in their illustrious history they gave equal time to the Indians. Oh, wait a minute. This is where we all began. Well, that's not gonna work.

Oh, I know. The first letter of the name I treat like it wasn't there. But a B or an F or an M will appear. And then I say bo add a B, then I say the name and Bonana, fanna and a fo. And then I say the name again with an M this time.

Cowboys.
Cowboys Cowboys bo owboys Bonana fanna fo Fowboys
Fee fy mo Mowboys
Cowboys.

The only problem with the Shirley Ellis approach to team names is its an awful lot to fit on the front of a football jersey. But it might make listening to the play-by-play a lot more interesting...and lyrical.








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